


Just A Myth

by Brittsis



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Destroy Ending, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Post-Mass Effect 3, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-22
Updated: 2014-07-24
Packaged: 2017-12-27 07:20:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 29,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/976031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brittsis/pseuds/Brittsis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone believe Shepard is dead and she's more than happy to let them believe it. With a new name and ship, she minds her own business. But it's hard to avoid the fame she built. Rumors spread of her reappearance throughout the galaxy. She joins the ranks of Big Foot and Elvis but one man began to think the rumors are true. He let her slip through his fingers before and he could no longer deny the feelings he's held inside. Leaving his post, Steven Hackett retires and begins to follow the clues. Finally he hears of a Captain aboard the civilian transport the Gryphon and he books passage. This time he won't let love slip through his fingers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, been playing with this one for awhile. I hope you like it.  
> Always up for prompts.

They won the war but at great cost. The red light had combed through the galaxy, destroying the Reapers and their army. The geth shut down and the relays damaged. The Normandy and its crew lost. The galaxy’s heroes sacrificed for peace. Grief and joy echoed through everyone’s hearts as tears were shed. Then the clean up started.

After the Battle for Earth everything was chaos. Dead were innumerable and the injured overflowed the hospitals. Identification became a nightmare and shortcuts were made. Many were never identified or found, considered turned to ash by the Reaper beam. Shepard was one of these. Never found, never buried, and never forgotten. 

Ten years later and the galaxy is still limping. The relays were fixed but no longer work the same. No longer does a jump take a few minutes or hours. A simple trip now lasts months at a time. More relays were built in an effort to make shorter jumps. Stations or settlements were constructed. Entire cities now float in space in range of every relay, making pit stops where ships could restock and refuel. 

Gradually life is returning to normal. One planet at a time cities are rebuilt and people return. But the scar is still there. Supplies are low and everyone is struggling. Governments started rationing and regulating the rebuilds. Expansion was ground to a halt and ship building was closely monitored. As a result a civilian shipping market flourished. If you had a ship, you could live like a king ferrying people and materials back and forth.

\------------------------

Steven Hackett hated the heat. It stuck to his skin, causing sweat to soak his clothing. The two suns were high in the sky, baking the small city in the middle of nowhere. Guinda was a pit stop, built within minutes of one of the new relays. It was home to a permanent population of approximately sixty people. Their homes circled the docks and trade house to the east. It was the only planet in the system with a livable atmosphere but averaged a one hundred and five degree most of the year. He wouldn't have come but rumors and clues said she’d be here.

His skin tingled and heart ached at the thought of her. Hackett first met Alex Shepard forty years ago. The First Contact war had just finished and his ship docked on earth for leave and repairs. The then Lieutenant Hackett’s CO, Commander Daniel Shepard, family came to the dock to great the man. The two year old stood beside her mother, smiling at every soldier that passed. It warmed his heart to see Daniel embrace his family and finally relax. Shepard introduced his squad and Hannah insisted everyone go home for dinner.  
Over the years he’d stayed in contact with Hannah, even after her husband was killed in action. He loved them like his own. Alex Shepard grew into one hell of a woman. She had her mother’s looks and her father’s fire. Alex was quick to laugh and never let anything keep her down for long. Hackett remembered when Hannah called him crying because her baby girl enlisted. Hannah begged him to talk to her, to convince her to stay a civilian.

Alex only smiled at him and patted his cheek, telling him that she was never a civilian and never could be. He watched out for her, making a point to see her whenever possible. It wasn’t until she died the first time that he came to a startling realization. Steven Hackett had fallen in love with his friend’s daughter. 

Steven kept his feelings private. He mourned her loss and supported Hannah. Then she returned a smile still on her lips. The first time he spotted her, his world fell out from under him. Steven was convinced he imagined her. Then she strolled right up to him, patted his cheek, and smiled at him. 

Still he didn’t reveal his heart. Instead he harbored his feelings and supported her from the shadows. Hackett did everything in his power to help her and prepare. Once again he made an effort to see her whenever possible and fell deeper and deeper in love.

His world shattered as reports came in after the Reaper War. As time went he slowly came to terms that he lost her again. Hackett was sick with grief as causality lists grew. Hannah had passed in the battle and Alex was never found. Everything important to him was gone.

Hackett survived by staying concentrated on work. He aided in the rebuilding and was soon elected Prime Minister. He served for six years, doing his best to forget. Then whispers reached him. Someone spotted Shepard on Tuchanka. Rumor said she was living on Omega. Hearsay hinted that she traveled the galaxy aiding the rebuilds. She became a myth, spread by everyone to raise hope. For a whole year he tried to forget the rumors. He would ignore them and not allow his heart a glimmer of hope. But it wasn’t working and he wasn’t sleeping. 

The 2193 elections came up and Hackett didn’t renew his term. He stepped aside, stored his belongings, and left Earth. For three years he searched. Hackett went from system to system often traveling for months to reach his next destination. He hunted down each rumor until he could piece it together.

Somehow Alex had survived and wasn’t identified. She left Earth behind and went to Omega, staying there for almost nine months. She worked hard and saved, buying herself a ship. Another two months or hard work and it was space worthy. Named Gryphon, the ship left port with a crew of four. It was a civilian transport and suspected smuggler and was docked here in Guinda. He finally caught up. Or so he hoped.

Hackett hitched his sea bag on his shoulder and pushed through the docks. People crowded the walk way. There were six ships in dock, filling Guinda’s dry docks. Seven more circled in orbit, using shuttles to ferry men and supplies back and forth. The local authorities patrolled the docs, checking permits and keeping peace. Captains stood near their ships, monitoring their crew and bartering with clients. Civilians battered for passage and credits exchanged hands. He’d been stopped a few times but he turned every one down. He only wanted one ship.

The Gryphon was docked at the end. Its bays doors open as crates were carried aboard. A young human male stood beside the bay, talking with a volus. He gestured a few times then finally smiled, taking the volus’s credit chit. Hackett walked over and dropped his bag at the juvenile’s feet.

“Good afternoon, looking for shipping or passage?” The man asked as he made notes on a data pad.

“Passage.”

He nodded, “Name?”

“Hackett, Steven.”

The kid looked up then, shock in his eyes. “No kidding?”

Hackett only handed the kid a data pad with his travel papers loaded on screen. The kid reviewed the paper work and transferred the data to his own pad. “Well this will be an interesting trip. Where you heading Admiral Hackett?”

“Earth.”

The kid nodded, “The long trip then. We’ll be heading that way but not directly. We’ve got a stop at Palavan, Omega, Irune, and a few others. Earth is the last destination and you’re looking at about a year of travel, if we don’t get any trouble.”

Hackett raised a brow, “You normally have trouble?”

The kid shrugged, “Depends on the seas Admiral. Could be we run into pirates or slavers. Or we get to one of our stops and there’s a wait list for docking. Or we get somewhere and the authorities decide to do a spot check for contraband, not that they’ll find any.”

Hackett watched the sly grin curve his lips and wondered if the rumors on smuggling were true. “How much?”

“Well,” the kid drew out. “We’ve got four guest rooms, two have already been booked. The volus booked the smallest and cheapest and an asari already claimed another. That leaves the honeymoon suite and the green room. The green room has a bunk and locker, not much room for anything else. It shares the community bathroom with the other guests. The honeymoon, on the other hand, has a bit more leg room. It sports its own washroom and a full size bed. Only room bigger is the Captain’s and she’s not one to share. Seeing as you’re in for the long haul…”

Hackett grinned. The kid was hinting that he could get the larger room. It would cost more but would be less likely to aggravate cabin fever. But Hackett was use to cramped quarters from the Alliance. The green room sounded about the size or a normal officer’s quarters. “I’ll take the green room.”

The kid sighed and shook his head, “If you’re sure…. Okay we’re looking at about twenty thousand credits. That includes food, room and board, and any activities we provide.”

Hackett was impressed. They were close to the veil and Earth was a long ways away. Most ships would charge thrice that for a bunk for a long tripper. “Deal.”

The kid took his payment and shook his hand. “Welcome to the Gryphon, Sir. Name’s Christopher, but everyone calls me Chris. I’m the ship’s engineer. Captain Willows is out in the city making a few shipping deals but we’ll be shipping off at sixteen hundred. Would you like to come aboard now or meet back here later?”

“I’ll come aboard now.”

Chris nodded and opened the com. “Kiral, one aboard now. Green room, full trip.”

“On my way.” The comms sounded back.

Chris smiled at him. “I’ve got to stay out here, Captain’s orders. But Kiral is the pilot and she’ll show you your room.”

“Thank you.” Hackett picked his bag up just as a female turian emerged in the docking bay.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just some explanation and history. I promise the heart of the story will start soon. enjoy.  
> Always open for prompts.

Years of living aboard ships and milling dock yards taught her many things. She knew who to bribe and who to avoid. She knew how to disguise illegal merchandise as common supplies to fool the law enforcement. It was knowledge you’d think a former Alliance marine wouldn’t use. But Alex Shepard wasn’t a marine anymore. Alex Shepard was now Alex Willows, Captain of the civilian frigate Gryphon and suspected smuggler. 

At first she didn’t remember. She woke up from a coma with most of her memories gone. Her armor and dog tags were destroyed leaving no hint to her identity. It wasn’t until they began her physical therapy a year after the battle that she started to remember. As everything came back Alex wanted to be herself less and less. Her family, her friends, everyone she ever cared for was gone. Complete strangers worshipped her and there were whispers of naming her a saint. Babies were named after her. It was a nightmare.

Alex took her grandmother’s maiden’s name. She left Earth and went to Omega. There she used the one connection she knew would keep her secret. Aria had been surprised to see Alex. They had a few drinks and Alex cashed her favor in. The Queen of Omega helped forge her new identity and became a silent partner in Alex’s new business. She built her crew and traveled the galaxy living a simple life. 

Kiral Stavros is her pilot, a turian woman that left turian government after the war. She was hell of a pilot but was mad at the state. A conspiracist, Kiral takes everything with a grain of salt and questions it all. 

Gatatog Luka is one of her ground crew. A krogan vanguard, he’s her biotic and hard hitter. A constant shadow whenever she leaves the ship. Alex saved his life shortly after starting her enterprise. Feeling indebted he joined her crew. 

Meris Arrian is her other ground crew. She ran away from her family and a breeding contract five years ago and jumped the first ship she found. Alex offered her a job in replacement of a ticket. The salarian engineer agreed. 

Christopher Valle was her final crew mate and the only one that knew her real identity. He was only nine when she found him on Omega. His parents were killed during the war, leaving the boy to fend for himself. He tried to pick her pocket but she caught him. Christopher tried to get away but Alex wouldn’t allow him. Instead of turning him into the authorities, she adopted him and sent him to a private school on Earth. 

Six months ago, Christopher left school and snuck aboard. The two argued loudly until Alex gave up and allowed him to stay. Alex didn’t admit it but she enjoyed having his stubborn ass around. He reminded her of herself at his age. 

Reaching the ship, Alex found the cargo area already full and Chris waiting for her. She motioned Luka and Meris to store the last of their cargo as she joined the kid. She smiled at him as she took the manifest from him. “Everything ready?”

Chris nodded, “All the rooms are filled and cargo is secure. As soon as our special gear is stowed we are cleared to leave.”

Alex scrolled through, looking at the list of shipments they were hired to move. She laughed at the construction supplies Palavan government hired them to move. There was nothing like an official note to bypass customs. “And our guests?”

“We have Dagan Tal’dash, a batarian holy man in the honeymoon.”

Alex raised a brow, “Does he know the Captain’s human?”

Chris nodded, “Said he didn’t believe in the prejudice like the rest of his race.”

“As long as there isn’t any trouble.”

“We have Alain Tur, a volus merchant. Half the cargo is his and he’s accompanying it to Irune. He’s in the small room, said he didn’t take up much space. Kyrie T’Sith is an asari scholar riding to the Citadel; she’s in the red room.”

Alex nodded, “And the green room?”

Chris grinned, “You’ll never believe it. We’ve got a war hero aboard!”

Alex looked up with surprise. Most military took military transports. It’s cheaper and they don’t make unnecessary stops. “Who is it?”

“Admiral Hackett.”

She froze, her body going tense. How could he possibly know? Only two people knew that Alex Shepard didn’t die during the war. Christopher would never have told and Aria was receiving too much profit to betray her. It had to be a coincidence. Either way it didn’t matter, her game would be up. Alex had changed subtle things. She grew her hair out and dyed it black. Instead of the short fringe, she now kept it braided and down to the mid of her back. She had her eyes colored, masking her baby blues with a gold green. But he would recognize her.

Alex swallowed and pushed the fear down. It wouldn’t change anything. She wasn’t going back, she was happy here. “I’m heading to my cabin for a quick change. As soon as bay is clear tell Kiral to take off.”  
\-----------------------  
He waited in his cabin and unpacked while the final prep was made. The hair on his arm stood on end when the relay activated and grabbed them. He felt the floor drop then equalize and knew they were on their way. Hackett was used to the whole process and could always tell the minute ships made the jump. He was here now and for the next couple of months there was no backing out. He only wished his courage would hold.

“Good evening everyone. This is Captain Willows speaking. Would all crew and guest please report to the mess for debrief and dinner. That includes you too Kiral; put the ship on autopilot for one hour.”

Hackett felt his legs go weak and lowered to his cot. Even after all this time he recognized her voice. He did it, he found her. Until now he didn’t believe he’d succeed. Part of his mind felt that he was wasting his time. Until now. Standing from his bed, Hackett straightened his clothes and slowly recomposed himself. 

It took but a few minutes to get to the mess. Alex wasn’t there but the mess was full. He noted that, once again, Alex surrounded herself with an assortment of species. Volus, batarian, turian, asari, salarian, even a krogan crowded the small hall. It brought a smile to his lips to see such a familiar sight. 

There weren’t any chairs left so he leaned against a wall near the entrance. Chris waved at him from across the room just as the Captain entered. Hackett felt like someone sucker punched him. His stomach turned and chills ran over his skin. 

Alex, his Alex was alive and just within reach.


	3. Chapter 3

Alex had noticed him as soon as she entered the room. Her eyes had been drawn right to him. He looked just as she reminded him. Laugh lines surrounded his lips and worry lines creased his forehead, age marking him. He held himself in a way that only experience and wisdom could provide. It brought her back. Memories of lunch dates and whispered nights, the touch of his hands when he touched her, how his eyes would brighten when she smiled at him. It all came rushing back and it made her heart ache.  
She’d never admit it, but Alex had more than a slight crush for Hackett. He’d been her parents’ friend then later hers. Always there just when she needed him. Over the years his presence comforted her. Time passed and slowly her feelings matured until just the mention of him ignited a fire in her gut. Alex had come close to confessing a few times. But each time she’d skip back from the edge and avoid that final leap. 

Alex recognized Hackett for who he was. There’d be no casual with him, no walking away. Truth was he frightened her. Long ago she made a vow to never marry. Her choice of career was trying on families. She watched as it strained her parent’s marriage and wouldn’t allow that kind of pain in. Admiral Hackett would have tested that vow. It had been better for both of them to remain friends. 

She allowed herself to smile at him, allowed that recognition to pass between them. He smiled back and took a step toward her. Alex shook her head and turned from him. They would talk later, in private.

“Welcome to the Gryphon,” Alex greeted. “I’m Alex Willows, Captain of the ship. If you have any questions or concerns don’t be afraid to find me. If you can’t find me, look for Kiral. She’s the pilot and my second in command. She’s in charge when I’m off ship.”

She motioned to the turian woman that was pacing the room. Kiral stopped long enough to flare her mandibles in a grin and wave. 

“Luka and Meris are our security.” Alex continued, pointing toward the krogan and salarian. “If you don’t carry your own weapon or are not versed in warfare find one of them in case of pirates. We’ve been attacked a few times but never taken.”

Luka chuckled and allowed his biotics to shimmer along his body. “Don’t worry; we won’t let the bad guys keep you.”

“Last one only had to endure a few hours of torture.” Meris grinned. “We got to him before he died.”

It was silent for a few minutes before they both broke into laughter. The guests fidgeted nervously but Alex heard Hackett chuckle lightly behind her. She waited until the pair quieted down before continuing.

“You met Christopher when you purchased the ticket. If you want something special at any stop bring it to him. He’s requisition it for you.” Alex explained before narrowing her eyes and allowing all joking to leave her face. “He’s also only seventeen, so no touching.”

Chris groaned and hid his bright red face in his hands. Luka thumped him on the back as Meris spoke up. “Come on Cap, kids seventeen. Let him have a little fun.”

Their asari guest duck her head as the batarian sat a little straighter in his chair. Alex noticed it all and made note to speak with the both of them. “I have just a few simple rules. One, you do as your told. When I give an order it’s not for shits and giggles.”

“Two, biweekly evacuation drills. You’ll never know when or how but the alarm will sound and you’ll be expected to participate. Trust me; it’s not fun to get sucked into space.”

“Three, don’t eat the food marked with a red check. That’s dextro food. If you haven’t noticed we don’t have a doctor on board. All of the crew is certified medic but we can’t do much about protein poisoning.”

“Four, no physical fighting. You can yell at each other all you want. First one to throw a punch gets thrown into storage to cool off. We don’t waist energy and it gets awful cold down there during transit.”

Alex allowed them to sink in before smiling at them. “First stop is Palavan. It’s about a three week trip if everything goes as planned. Any questions?”

The asari nodded, “Do you have any schedule for meal times?”

“Good one,” Alex pointed behind her to a terminal that hung on the wall. “The menu for the day and meal times will be listed there every morning. Breakfast is at oh seven hundred to oh nine hundred ship time. You miss meal time, you cook for yourself and clean up after yourself.”

“And no food in the damn cabins,” Luka spoke up. “If you have any bring it out here. Some punk kept cookies in his cabin two years ago. We landed on Tuchanka and those damn pyjaks invaded. Took months to get rid of them.”

“This is going to be our home for a long time, let’s try to keep it livable.” Alex added. “Anything else?”

When no one answered, Alex nodded and opened her omnitool. “Good.”

She pressed a few buttons and alarms went off. “What are you all sitting there for? Ship’s under attack and you need to get to your pods. Luka, Meris, get a move on.”

The ship jerked to the side and Kiral cursed. “That’s why you fucking wanted me to come down.”

Alex laughed as everyone rushed to their feet and began to move. It didn’t take long for the mess to empty. She leaned against the table and crossed her arms only to find Hackett still in the room watching her. Her heart stopped a beat as her eyes narrowed. “I believe I gave you and order Admiral.”

Hackett raised a brow and pushed away from the wall. “It’s only a drill Alex. I believe I know how to evacuate a ship.”

She pressed a button on her omnitool again, causing the ship to jerk again and causing him to stumble a bit. “Not my ship. Move it soldier.”

\--------------------------

The drill was over and Kiral had regained control of her ship. Alex had to endure twenty minutes of the woman’s ranting but it was worth it. There was nothing like the impression of being fired on to get people moving. It had gone smoothly around the fourth time around but she was certain her passengers knew what to do. Alex wouldn’t lose anyone should they be attacked. 

She retreated to her cabin and collapsed at her terminal. A mountain of paperwork waited for her and Aria was bugging her for an updated itinerary. She turned the machine on only to stare at the screen. Her mind was occupied with visions of Steven running through the halls. He moved effortlessly through the small ship, being just where he needed to be. He looked delicious in those jeans and leather jacket.

Alex groaned and pushed away from her desk. Why is it that that man turned her into a teenager with uncontrollable hormones? When he was around she found it hard to not think about him naked between her legs, his muscles flexing as he pumped in and out of her. She leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes. Those whiskers would brush against her skin as lips traced every mark on her body. Alex knew he’d be an attentive lover and she bit her lips at the images going through her mind.

Calloused hands traced her skin as he whispered in her ear. A knee would press against her, gently urging her to open her legs. She’d press against him as he found her breast. A skilled mouth would tease her, drawing her nipple to attention and just when she’d think she couldn’t take anymore, he’d start on the other one. 

She’d beg then, pressing against him. Steven chuckled and pulled away, causing her to growl in frustration. Light kisses would trail her body as hands would draw her legs further and further apart until she’d be open to him. Lips would touch her just there and she’d arch off the bed. A teasing tongue would lash out and she’d…

A knock on the door drew her suddenly from her fantasy and dropped her back in reality. Alex relished shockingly that her hand had undid her pants and began to dive into her underwear. Cursing, she adjusted her clothes and went to the door. She palmed it open and found the man himself standing there. 

“Alex,” He spoke softly, eyes raking her. “Can I come in?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't kill me. I hope you enjoyed your little tease.  
> Always up for prompts.   
> Alex's face claim: http://brittsis.tumblr.com/post/61915696437/evangeline-lilly-face-claim-for-alex-shepard


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Always up for a prompt.  
> Both smutty and not.

Hackett didn’t wait for permission, instead pushing his way into the room and closing the door behind him. Once they had privacy he grabbed her and pulled her into a hug. She tried to protest but he just held her tighter until she relaxed. Worry left his body as he breathed her in. The longer he held her, the calmer he became. 

“Well this was unexpected.” Alex joked and pressed against his chest until he took a step back. She smiled and placed a comforting hand on his cheek. “I didn’t realize how much I missed you until I saw you in the room.”

Hackett sighed and gave himself a moment to compose his thoughts. His hand covered hers as he leaned into her touch. For this brief moment life was damn near perfect. But he came here with a reason. Twice he waited too long to confess. His courage wouldn’t, couldn’t fail him. He squeezed her hand and lowered it but kept hold of her hand. “I had to make sure you were really here first. Too often I imagine you. I’d see you out of the corner of my eye only to turn around and find it was someone else. You laughter would haunt me and some days I’d sit in my office waiting for you to walk through my door. How could you leave me like that?”

He watched as her face fell. Something flashed in her eyes, suspicion and anger just barely masking fear. She tried to take a step away but he wouldn’t let her hand go. Too much needed to be said before he could walk away. 

Alex narrowed her eyes, “Let me go Steven. I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

His head shook as his grip tightened. “I’m not letting go because you’ll run away.”

“I’ve never run from anything!”

He leaned in close, eyes barrowing into hers. “Bullshit.”

She bared her teeth. “I left because I wanted to! I had nothing left! My mother was killed, one of the first ships to get blown apart when the Reapers countered our attack. One by one my team, my crew, sacrificed themselves so I could get that one step closer to the beam. Everything rested on my shoulders! Anderson was shot by my gun! I just stood there as the trigger was squeezed; there was nothing I could do. Then when I finally made it…”

“Fuck you, I don’t owe you anything.” Alex twisted his fingers with her bare hand until he was forced to release her. Turning from him, she left her room and stalked down the hall.   
She made it but a few feet when he caught up to her. Hackett grabbed her shoulder and three her against the wall. With all his strength, he pinned her. She struggled and pushed, trying to free herself. Alex shifted and brought her knee up only to be blocked by him. Growling, she glared at him as she spoke slowly. “If you don’t release me you’ll be in for a world of hurt.”

Hackett growled back, matching her temper. He had put too much into finding her to let her stalk away now. He had some words and she was going to hear them. “Not until I had my say.”

Alex lifted her chin in defiance, “Then say it and get the fuck off my boat.”

Eyes narrowed as he struggled to control his temper. “Don’t test me Alex.”

“What? I’m not Alliance anymore Admiral. You can’t order me around.”

“Never had to before,” Steven replied. 

“And doesn’t that just tick you off?” She asked and tried to free herself again.

He growled warningly, “If you try for my balls again, Shepard, you will resent it.”

Alex hissed then. Her head leaned back then came forward quickly, connecting with his nose. It didn’t break but it did cause him to stagger back. “Shepard is dead. She died ten years ago with the rest of the goddamn heroes.”

Hackett cursed as he tested his nose for blood. “Fuck Alex, why won’t you listen?”

“Why should I?” She shouted at him.

“Because I love you!” He yelled back. 

Alex froze, ice running through her veins. He took a step forward but she shook her head and stepped away from him. “No you don’t.”

Hackett laughed then, a grin spreading his lips. “Scares you don’t it? Good because it’s been scaring me for the last thirteen years.”

Her mouth opened and closed several times as she tried to find the words. Every time she’d think of something it’d run away. She looked like a fish struggling to breathe air. It was a hilarious sight to see the great Commander Shepard speechless. Hackett kept watching her, that silly grin on his face and it wasn’t helping. This was insane, there was no way he loved her. Too much history lay behind them, too much time. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”

He tried to reach for her but she just avoided his reach again. “Because I was your superior officer? Because I was afraid of my own feelings? Or hell, because you were the daughter of a good friend? Too many reasons that don’t matter any longer. I lost you twice now; I don’t intend to try for the third.”

“So you purchase a ticket on my ship and decide to tell me when there’s no place for me to go?”

Hackett grinned at her, “Then you admit you’d run away if you could?”

She cursed and turned to leave. When her back was turned, he rushed forward and had her again. She cursed him as he pulled her in, arms tightening around her. It wasn’t until he leaned in close that she realized what he intended to do. 

“Don’t you da….” Her protest was cut short by his lips.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!  
> I'm up for any prompts.

The kiss seared her lips. It was a possession, meant to knock her senseless and weaken her knees. It worked. His lips glided over hers as teeth lightly nipped her lips. When she opened up to him, Hackett slid his tongue in and began the slow process of tasting her. His hands released her and framed his face with his hands. Alex’s senses went into overload as her resolve slowly dissolved. 

He came up for air and Alex was finally able to think. Anger flooded her bringing clarity with it. Her hand curled into a fist and she swung. Hackett stumbled back, shock and pain clouded his eyes. She stormed back to her room, ready to barricade herself inside until she could think.

Alex paused at the door, her fingers touching her lips. It hadn’t been like anything she imagined. No it had been so much better. Her mouth still tingled and she could still taste him on her tongue. Cursing, she turned around and stomped back to the grinning Hackett. 

“Don’t get cocky.” She hissed at him. Grabbing a hand full of his hair, she pulled him in and attacked his mouth. She bit his lip until he gasped. Alex released him, patted his cheek, and then walked back to her room. She locked the door then leaned against it. Oh boy, this was going to be an interesting tour.

\----------------------------

Alex is a mess of confusion and pent up frustration. A week and a half has passed since he confessed and kissed her and Hackett hasn’t tried anything. They’d fallen back into their old routine. He’d sit with her and they’d remember old times. His smile warmed her heart but his touch drove her insane. 

Hackett was always touching her, just a caress or brush of skin. Each time her skin would tingle and the fire would ignite in her belly. He’d take her right to the edge then pull away. It was annoying as hell. She hadn’t slept. Every time she closed her eyes Hackett’s smile would flash in her vision. She’d try to sleep and Alex would feel his fingers like ghosts on her skin. Alex would wake up moaning and covered in sweat. 

She would just have to seduce him. It was the only choice and the decision caused butterflies in her stomach. Alex couldn’t remember the last time she’d set out to seduce someone. For that matter it had been ten years since someone had shared her bed. Garrus had been a friend. They’d turned to each other out of release and comfort. The two of them had come together naturally during the war. One would reach out and the other would take hold. No effort had been made.

It wasn’t until the battle that Alex had discovered the truth. He had loved her fiercely. He loved her so much that Garrus had sacrificed himself. She could still remember the feel of his talons tossing her from Harbinger’s beam. He had come the closest to claiming her heart that it still scared her.

She’d have to be more careful with Hackett. He already figured himself in love with her. It would be tricky but Alex believed she could guard her heart and enjoy him at the same time. 

“Captain?” Kiral’s voice over the intercom pulled her from her thoughts.

“What is it?”

“Come up to the bridge, I think you might want to see this.”

\---------------------------

Alex drummed her fingers on the display. An opportunity had displayed itself but should she take it. If she decided to go through with it a lot of laws would be broken. They had passengers and it would be hard to disguise the work. Unless someone could distract them.

“Think of the credit Alex,” Kiral spoke up. “The government hasn’t even announced the rebuild. They’re going to take everything useful then keep it from the people that need it. At least we’d be spreading the wealth.”

“At a one hundred percent mark up.” Alex replied.

Kiral grinned, “Well of course but the credits, with the cash we could take a break after this tour. Stay groundside for a while. I miss the feel of solid earth, Alex.”

Alex sighed, fighting the urge to smile. “And what about the passengers?”

“Get the kid to distract them.”

“Hackett won’t fall for it. I know him Kiral.” Alex explained. “He won’t sit aside while I go for a space walk.”

“Then take him with you. Let Luka and Meris do the salvage. You and the Admiral can search for the dog tags. It will take half the time that way and we’ll be flying before reinforcements can arrive.”

It wasn’t a bad plan. It wasn’t everyday they came across a relay newly reconnected with a system unsalvaged. There were fewer and fewer opportunities as time passed. Alex straightened and nodded, “Make the stop Kiral.”

\--------------------------

“So tell me again, why are we going out there?” Hackett stressed as they suited up.

Alex sighed. She didn’t want to reveal too much. She’d only informed him that a new relay had opened and had been short on the details. Luka and Meris exchanged a look with her as he pressed the issue again. They weren’t comfortable with the fact that he was coming along. As a former politician that had the reputation for playing it straight he spelled danger. One wrong move and everything they worked for would be ruined. 

“The relay just opened.” Alex explained as she snapped her armor in place. “The scientists have left but the military hasn’t moved in. There is always a gap of a couple weeks before any regulation is set up. The governments try to keep locations like this secret but it always gets out. A passing ship, someone is bribed, or a lucky guess is all it takes. Pirates, smugglers, and salvagers move in and pick wrecks and colonies clean. If we find an unexplored area, we move in and preserve what we can.”

The lies came so easily as she finished with her armor and went to him, checking his seals. “You and I will collect dog tags to send home. Luka and Meris will look for heirlooms, items people took with them when they fled their homes. We return it to the families.”

Hackett raised a brow at her while checking her seals. “So you’re the one that sends in the recovered tags. You put a lot of minds at ease.”

Alex smiled at him. “They deserve closer, everyone does.”

“I didn’t get it.”

Her smile dropped. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know…”

Hackett leaned in and silenced her with a brush of his lips, just a soft caress. Before she could react he lowered her helmet in place. “We’ll talk about that later.”

Her lips still tingled as he attached his helmet and headed for the airlock. Meris coughed and Alex turned to find the salarian watching her and Luka grinning. She growled out in warning. “Well get moving!”

\------------------  
They’d found a human ship this time. It held a few military but was mostly civilian. Meris had disconnected and salvaged several of the stations while Luka forced lockers open. It was a rich find and the two had already made several trips back to the ship to drop off their loads. Room by room they’d picked the place clean making sure to stay clear of the captain and her tail. 

Luka grunted as he pressed against the door. According to the log an emissary had stayed in the room, being ferried to the Crucible. They expected a fair amount of loot to be inside. The door finally opened and what little atmosphere remained rushed out. 

“Anything good?” Meris called out as she worked on dismantling a terminal.

Eyes surveyed the room and spotted a figure wedged into the corner of the room. Getting closer, Luka yelled out in excitement. They’d hit the mother lode. “Just an intact geth!”  
“No way!” Meris hurried over and let out a laugh as she spotted the geth body. The quarians were paying out the ass for anything geth related. A whole geth was worth its own weight in credits. 

“Help me carry it back then we’ll call it.” Luka pulled the body and guided it through the zero gee. Meris gathered her supplies and followed behind him. The two of them practically whistled as they moved through the ship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Gryphon: http://brittsis.tumblr.com/image/62473658706


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always up for prompts. I promise the sexiness starts soon.

Hackett watched her while they searched. She moved through the ship with an ease that only years of practice could afford. Her mag boots were active but not engaged. They were for emergency use only. Otherwise, she pushed herself effortlessly through the zero gravity. He was pleased to see that there was no fear. After the attack on the Normandy even the hardest of soldiers would be scared of venturing into space again. Alex seemed to relax, letting the calm infect her. 

They didn’t talk at first, letting the silence reign between them. Then she stopped and looked up at a gash in the hull of the ship. It had caused the death of most of the ship’s crew when their shields failed but it provided a wonderful view of the stars that surrounded them. Alex stopped and looked up, a sigh coming over the coms. 

“One of the things I miss from the Normandy was the sunroof over my bed. I could lay there for hours as we went from planet to planet and watch the stars fly by. I’ll never tire of that view.” She spoke softly.

Hackett pushed himself over until he stood beside her. His arm went around her and pulled her close until she laid her head on his shoulder. “You never were one to stay planet side long.”

“Most of my life was spent in space.” Alex explained. “When my boots were dirt side I’d feel boxed in. It was as if the planet was closing in on me. Now on a ship, I had all the entire expanse open to me.”

She laughed and pulled away from him. “Funny when you think about it. A room on a space ship was often no bigger than five by five. Most of the time you could touch all your walls without moving.”

Hackett watched her as a smile pulled his lips. “But you knew outside those walls there was no end. You could look out the window and not see a single soul for miles.”

“And, god, did I love it. I’d have joined the navy but I was better with a rifle then at a console. I think I’d go insane if I had to watch numbers all day. I wanted to help people.”

He nodded and moved closer to her, grabbing her hand in his. “You went far and beyond your call of duty Alex. You helped millions of people, saved too many for count. We’d have given you anything, including retirement.”

Alex touched her free hand to the side of his helmet, offering him a smile before pulling away. She didn’t answer his unasked question. Why did she leave? Why hide from everyone? How could she explain it to him and make him understand?

“Alex?” He pleaded with her as his hand reached out.

“I can’t, not yet. All I can say is that I needed to leave. I couldn’t stay and face everything. Please give me time.”

“How much time do you need?” He asked. “I haven’t pushed for the week and a half I’ve been aboard.”

“I…”

“Captain, you need to come back now.” Kiral’s voice interrupted her.

“What’s wrong?” Alex asked, already heading for the exit.

“A Spectre ship just jumped through the relay.”

Alex cursed and moved faster. “Luka and Meris?”

“Already aboard.”

“Have them get ready just in case. Tell Chris to meet me in engineering.” Alex ordered.

“Why the hurry Alex?” Hackett asked while he went after her. “You’re doing nothing illegal and I can vouch for you.”

Alex sigh, “I don’t have time to explain but let’s just say that there’s merchandise aboard my ship not entirely accounted for on invoices.”

“Alex?” His voice dropped, almost into a growl. Could the rumors of the smuggling be true? 

“Not now.”  
\--------------------  
She didn’t even take the time to remove all of her suit. Her helmet dangled from her fingers as she charged into engineering with Hackett hot on her heels. Christopher was waiting for her, puzzlement on his face. “Chris, what in here is easily replaced by something on the other ship but would cripple us?”

Chris blinked as he looked around. “I… I don’t know it would depend on the class of the ship and how serious you want the damage. The thermal pipe but that would lead to ezo leakage. The wiring could be fried, but then we wouldn’t have power to life support. There’s…”

Alex interrupted him as she yanked the siding off one of the walls. She’d spent hours upon hours down here when they were refurbishing the ship and knew where the important bits were. “Come on Christopher! It would have to be something you could’ve patched together but would have given at anytime leaving us dead in the water. The relay opened and we thought luck was on our side…”

“Yes, yes I see what you mean now.” Alex grabbed a tool from his kit and yanks some wiring aside. The wrench came down, busting a piece of machinery inside. Right away the ship started to list to the side and Kiral’s curses filled the air. 

“The coils, they’re important enough to kill us but I could easily…” He droned off as he got to work. Some sparks flew as he cursed and spliced things together. The work around was put just into place as the Spectre shipped hailed them.

“Captain?” Kiral asked before she answered them.

“Send an invitation Kiral.” Alex replied, patting Christopher on the back. “I’ll meet them in the mess.”

\--------------------------  
She was expecting a turian or an asari to round the corner. They were the more likely Spectre candidate this side of the galaxy. Humans and salarians handled the other side with the single krogan running somewhere in the middle. What came around the corner and through the door surprised her. The quarian was armed to the teeth. An assault rifle and rocket launcher was attached to his back in addition to the arc pistol at his hip. His armor wasn’t the thin material she had grown to seeing Tali wearing. Instead, the material was thicker and had places where it looked as hard as plate. The quarian marines had undergone a retrofit that she wasn’t aware of. 

He nodded at her upon entering the room and stood at attention across the table form her. “My name is Jona’Hazt vas Rannoch, First Marine and Spectre….”

Alex didn’t hear the rest of his speech. Upon mention of his name she gained a tunnel vision. The edges began to fade and ringing began in her hearing. She fell into a chair, her hands gripping the edge of the table as it came for her. 

_Gunfire echoed around them as the night closed in. Geth lingered around every corner, waiting for them to make a mistake. They made slow desperate progress. The jamming tower needed shut down. Thousands of lives depended on that one fact. Then she heard the cough and Tali called out as she run forward before Alex could stop her._

_‘Shepard! There’s someone alive.’ The quarian called out and Alex rushed to her side. ‘It’s okay, we’re here.’_

_Alex knelt down and did a scan with her omnitool, already knowing that there was nothing they could do. The man’s suit was punched with holes and blood ran freely as it soaked the ground under him. ‘You a soldier?’_

_He shook his head. ‘Maintence. Dom’Hazt. I…’ He coughed and groaned as his wounds gushed. ‘I clean engine parts.’_

_‘Don’t move, we’ve got medigel.’ Alex urged, wanting to save at least one of them._

_‘No, I’ve lost too much blood. Go,’ He pointed down the path where they could just barely see the tower. ‘Find the Admiral. Destroy the jamming tower and you can radio him.’_

_‘We’ll find him Dom.’ Tali spoke softly, fighting back tears. ‘I promise.’_

_‘Please listen. The civilian fleet didn’t want this war. If there’s even a change Admiral Koris can get us out…’ Dom’s body tightened as he fought back the pain. ‘And my son, tell him, Jona, that his father made it too the homeworld.’_

“Captain!” Alex came back to Jona shaking her. 

“I’m okay.” She reassured him and sent him a smile. “Just something I’ve gotten use to since the war.”  
He watched her for a moment before nodding and stepping away. “PTSD is common in a lot of soldiers that served. Where did you fight?”

“Here and there.” Alex answered. “I don’t deal with quarians much. You remind me of someone I served with.”

“Ahh, you were one of the N7?”

She nodded, taking the half truth. “It doesn’t matter. I’m Captain Alex Willows, welcome to the Gryphon. How can I help you Spectre?”

He let it be, seeing that the subject was difficult for her. “The council sent me to secure cargo that is on the ship you’re currently docked with. Tell me Captain, what are you doing here?”

“We were on our way to Palavan when we experience engine trouble. We thought we’d be limping for the rest of the journey when sensors picked up the new relay.” Alex replied, expertly weaving the little lie she made up. “We were hoping that the ship would have the part we’d need. I was just suiting up when you hailed us.”

Jona sifted his footing as he listened. With a huff, he relaxed his stance and spoke. “What is wrong? Maybe I have the part in my ship.”

“My engineer says it was the compression coil. You’d have to ask him for more details. I don’t know heads from tails down there.”

He hummed and nodded. “Where is your engineer?”

“With the engine, the boy wouldn’t leave it if you had a crowbar and a gun to his head.”

“Then you’ll take me down there.”

Alex frowned. She didn’t appreciate taking orders on her ship. It had been a pet peeve of hers that lingered from her military days. She had to fight the urge to growl at him as she stood. “Follow me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah... I can see Jona as a no nonse tough marine after what happened to his parents. Both were civilians that gave their life for the fleet during a way. He'd do everything in his power to keep that from happening to anyone else.
> 
> Alex's playby http://brittsis.tumblr.com/post/62922919118


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mature Content Ahead.  
> I hope you enjoy it.

They were flying again, leaving the Spectre and the dead ship behind. Alex did some impressive acting and fooled the quarian. He helped them repair the ship then ushered them along without even a quick search of the ship. Hack would be impressed if he wasn’t so angry. How could she lie to him? If she had just told him the truth, explained that they were searching for equipment they could poach and later sell, Hackett would have understood. A lot of people turned smuggler after the war. The military and government battled them daily but regulations were becoming harder and harder to control as more laws passed. 

Truth was most smugglers did good work. They brought food and clothes in, giving them to refugees. Some would sneak equipment and supplies into camps to help with rebuild. Most though, most were bad. They’d bring in drugs and weapons, enticing the rebellion that simmered just below the surface. More and more riots broke out as things became worse. Populations needed just one tap to overflow and become rabid. 

Hackett was determined to find out where Alex lay and what her motives were. He couldn’t see her enticing violence but he also didn’t see her smuggling. What happened to the law abiding girl he knew?   
Kiral had reported that the captain had retired to her cabin. The turian tried to stop him, threatening bodily harm if he bothered her. Hackett ignored her temper and practically ran to Alex’s quarters. He pounded on the door, not letting up until the door slide open to a very grumpy woman.

“What?” Alex growled out, eyes narrowed.

The words died on his tongue as he looked at her. She had stripped out of her armor but was still in the under armor suit. Her hair had come out of its braid in several places and her skin was pale. Her eyes, although narrowed, were tired. Dark circles marred the skin under her eyes and her shoulders sagged. Something had happened.

“Steven, unless this is very important I suggest you leave me alone. I’m not in the mood.” Alex hissed, pulling him from his observation.

He pushed into her room and ignored her growl. “I wanted to talk but I’ve changed my mind about the topic.”

She sighed and closed her door. Going over to her chair, she sat down and rubbed her temple trying to urge the headache from behind her eyes. “I don’t have much energy to argue, so please go ahead then leave.”

He frowned and crossed to her, kneeling in front of her. “What happened? Why are you so pale?”

Alex fought the urge to back away and hide. It was a habit she’d formed all those years ago. She couldn’t afford to appear weak, not when a galaxy had sat upon her shoulders. Now was different. Now only her ship and her crew depended on her. It had been a refreshing change but the past had a horrible way of sneaking up on you. Instead of pulling away from him, she spoke softly. “Did you have a chance to meet the Spectre while he was aboard?”

Hackett nodded, “Jona? He made Spectre a few years ago; first quarian to get the rank and youngest Spectre ever. Why?”

“I… his….” Alex groaned and rubbed her face hard. “During the war, during the attack on Rannoch, I met his father. By the time I found him…”

“Alex?” Hackett asked softly, pulling her hands into his. He kissed her palms softly and watched her eyes focus a moment before clouding again.

“I had the choice. The geth or the quarians. The fate of an entire species on my hands.” She spoke slowly, her mind half there and half here. She could hear Tali and Legion pleading. They both wanted everything from her and she had to choose. Her vision blurred with the memory and the tears threatening to give. “It was close, too close. I almost didn’t get them both to stand down and see reason. But it was all for nothing. I had to sacrifice them anyways.”

Hackett frowned. His hand brushed her hair from her face then pulled her in. She fell to her knees beside her as he held her close. Fingers gripped his shirt as she struggled to stay. Alec wasn’t sure she’d survive another vision today. Desperate she looked up and captured his lips in hers. 

Hunger raced through her as the voices whispered in her ears. He tried to push her back but she only held tighter. “Please, I just… Make me forget.”

“Alex, no. We should…” He was silenced by her mouth. Lust shot through him as her body pressed against his. Teeth nipped at his lips until they opened then he could only taste her. Hackett groaned and quit fighting. 

Desperate fingers stripped clothing away sometimes ripping the cloth. He peeled her under suit off, using it to pin her arms behind her. Lips left hers and traveled down. Alex arched as he bit down on her shoulder. “Now, please just now.” She begged struggling against the material.

Hackett chuckled and freed her. She quickly stood and stripped the thing off, revealing her military issue underwear and bra. He sucked in a harsh breath at the sight. So many years he imagined this moment and it paled in comparison. 

“Steven,” Alex gasped as his fingers bruised her hips. He nuzzled and nipped at her clothed sex causing her to curse. He hooked one of her legs over his shoulder and got to work teasing her. Lips, tongue, and teeth tormented her as she could only hold on. 

Her fingers grabbed his hair, urging him on as she rocked her hips in time with his movements. Just when she thought she couldn’t take anymore, he tore the cloth from her body and started all over again. Her pleas echoed off the walls as his tongue found purchase. Alex moaned as he fed. His fingers joined his mouth and a brush of her clit sent her over the edge.

Hackett couldn’t help but grin as her muscles tightened against his fingers. When the tremors passed, he removed his fingers and cleaned them off with his tongue. She watched him, her eyes going sharp with need. Alex pulled him to his feet and pushed him onto her chair. Lips found his again.

Alex hovered over him as she undid his trousers. He lifted his hips but she pushed him back down, reaching in and pulling him free. He groaned as her fingers circled him. Hackett tried to thrust into her hand but she pushed him back into the chair. In retaliation, his teeth captured her lip and bit down until she gasped. He used the distraction and tugged her against him. 

Her legs straddled him but she kept her hand on him. They fought for control. Him with his teeth and her with her hand. Hackett gripped her hips hard and moved her closer until the tip of him brushed her. She moaned and moved her hand. Hackett surged forward and groaned as she closed around him.  
“Mine,” He growled as he controlled her movements. 

Alex shook her head and tugged his hair. “No ones.”

“Mine,” He repeated and quickened the pace.

“Fuck you.” Alex managed out in a gasp.

Hackett bit her again, this time breaking skin and leaving an imprint on her neck. Alex cried out in pain and pleasure as he pounded into her. She reached between them and stroked her own clit as he took her nipple into his mouth. She threw her head back as she came once again. 

Before she could recover, Hackett pulled from her and lifted her up. She whimpered at the loss and bucked as she tried to find purchase. He stood and dropped her onto the desk. Pinning her against the cold metal he entered her again in a quick hard thrust. 

“Mine,” He growled out again as fingers bruised her skin.

Alex struggled at first, instinct combating his dominance. She bared her teeth as she hissed. “No ones.”  
“You will learn.” He grinned and lifted her leg up. Teeth found her sensitive skin as he continued to pump into her. Alex lifted her hips and gasped as he found that right movement. She reached toward him only to have her wrists circled and held above her. He bit her breasts harder and harder until she cried out in pain. 

“Come for me Alex.” He ordered as he reached between them. “Yell my name.”

“Never.” She cursed and arched into his touch. Eyes rolled in the back of her head as she fell once again. He followed right behind her, continuing his thrusts as he emptied into her. 

Hackett could feel himself softening but didn’t pull out. Instead he hauled her back up to him and kissed her. They were both panting when they finally calmed down. He cursed against her skin but didn’t move to pull away. “We need to talk.”

Alex nodded as she wrapped her arms around him. “We might want to put some clothes on first.”


	8. Chapter 8

Penguins, the word still brought her dangerously close to giggles. It was so ridicules and out of place in the bed. Then again that was the point. It would stop them both and keep someone from getting hurt. When you had two dominates in the bed room fighting for control a safe word was necessary. Alex sighed as she placed a hand on the bite mark on her neck. She applied medigel but the mark was still there and still burned. If her implants had been still active the mark would be gone but since the beam she’d been forced to heal the normal way.

“Captain, you going to help or stand there and day dream all day?” Luka grunted as he moved crates around.

Alex pulled her thoughts from last night and moved to help push the crates. They needed to make room so they could access the hidden compartment and take inventory of the goods they gathered. “You know how it is Luka.”

He grinned at her, “You have one night of steamy sex and suddenly you can’t concentrate. I know it’s not your first, though what you see in the old man is questionable.”  
She paused, her eyes narrowing at the krogan. “Were you spying on me?”

He laughed at her as he hauled the large floor plating up to reveal their smugglers catch. “I’m next door Alex. Even if I couldn’t hear you, which I could, I can smell it on both of you.”

A blush crept up her neck, turning her face red. She hadn’t considered that. She had turned to Hackett several times in the night. Every nightmare, tremor, and fear was driven away by his touch. Her muscles were sore and her skin was covered in scratches and bites. She slept maybe three hours last night but felt wonderful. Until now.  
Embarrassment flooded her system. Alex hadn’t even considered how thin the walls were between their quarters. When she bought the ship the captain’s cabin was twice as big as it was now. She hadn’t needed all the space so had built a wall to create a second room. It was just barely to code but wasn’t very private. It had been quick and cheap and now she regretted it. 

“Not another word, Luka.” Alex chose to threaten him, hoping to bring an end to it. She should have known better.

Luka grinned at her. “You screamed quite a few last night.”

She growled in warning but he wasn’t finished yet. He just grinned further as he spoke. “Hey, next stop can we pick up an asari maiden? Preferably a stripper?”

“Like she’d want anything to do with your scaly ass,” Alex bit back.

He laughed and hauled the first crate from the hold. “I’m just saying that being one of your oldest and most loyal crew has earned me some perks.”

Alex snorted, “Kiral’s been here the longest and Christopher is the most loyal. He’s the only one that just follows my orders without question.”

“That boy worships you.”

“No he doesn’t.” Alex stressed. “If it’s not a direct order, he argues me to death. He’s stubborn and won’t hear a word I say.”

“Yes, he does.” Luka replied and looked her dead in the eye. “You’re the great Captain Willows. You plucked that boy from the gutters of Omega and gave him a life. If you hadn’t of been there, he’d probably have joined a mercenary group or be dead. The kid knows this. That’s why he came back.”

Alex froze, a frown creasing her face. She didn’t want to believe it. The last thing she wanted was to be worshipped. It was the main reason she decided to disappear. When one was exalted one had certain expectation to meet. They were placed on pedestals and idolized. The weight on her shoulders had been too much and the survivor’s guilt that came with it too big. 

As memory started to come back, Alex had almost suffocated in it and the PTSD. It had become a demon that still haunted her. Randomly she’d be reminded of the smallest thing and the darkness would consume her. There had been weeks at a time that nightmares had kept her awake. She’d be jittery all day and unable to settle at night. Even after she got her ship and escaped to the stars it stalked her. 

At first she pushed through it. Alex did her best to ignore the beast that whispered in her ear and brought memories to life. Then she started drinking. It started small. A glass to help her sleep quickly turned into a bottle to tuck her in. It didn’t take long for the habit to develop and become something too big to handle. For two years she relied on the liquid. Then she almost got them all killed and was scared sober. She hadn’t touched a drop of alcohol since.

Now Alex managed with sheer will and physical activity. She sparred with Luka often and found a partner at every port. It worked with only a few episodes leaking through sparingly. They often are triggered by an outside force, like seeing Jona yesterday. Being thanked was her biggest trigger of all. As a result she avoided good deeds like a plague and committed to a life of crime and profit. But she couldn’t run from it forever.

“I…” Alex gulped for air as her fists tightened until her nails bit into her palms. “I’ll be back.”

“Hey!” Luka called out to her as she ran from the cargo bay but she wasn’t listening.

\----------------------

Alex rushed into the engine room, finding Christopher fiddling with the engine. She rushed over to him and pulled him away until he looked at her. “You owe me nothing, you understand?”

Christopher frowned, “What are you talking about now?”

“You owe me nothing. I did what I did because it was the right thing to do. Any decent human being would have done it.”

“Alex, you need to be more specific.” Christopher sighed.

She growled in frustration and paced the room. “Look, I don’t expect anything from you. You don’t have to feel like you’re indebted to me because of what I did. You don’t have to stay here in a desperate act to pay me back. You want to go to college? How about to the quarians? They’re the best place to learn about engines. We could get you enrolled in one of their academies and I take a quarian on their pilgrimage. Or the salarians, they’re not as specialized but their engineering prog…”

“Alex breath!” Chris interrupted her, stopping her with a hand on her shoulder. “What is going on?”

Alex gulped air as she struggled to push the panic back. It gripped her heart and refused to release its death grip. Her teeth worried at her lip while her body fidgeted. Eyes never stopped moving as they searched for the enemy not there. She shifted her stance and forced herself to think. “I don’t want to be worshipped. I don’t want people to thank me. I don’t want to be placed on that damn pedestal as my friends are ignored. God damn it, I didn’t do it alone.”

Chris felt the understanding snap into place. He knew why she ran, why she hid away on a dingy ship in the middle of nowhere. He was there when she first struggled with her guilt and panic. Memories of her waking up scream were still fresh in his mind even if ten years had passed. “Alex, you think I came back because I felt I owed you something?”

She nodded, “Why else? You had everything you could wish for back on earth. An apartment, school, friends. Everything was paid for, you didn’t have a worry in the world.”

“I didn’t have you.”

Alex’s skin crawled as he looked her in the eye and refused to look away. She shook her head and tried to back away but Christopher only followed her.

“Yes, you saved me from the horrors on Omega. But how many people would take the time to make sure the little boy that tried to steal their money had a warm belly and a soft bed to sleep on? You’re a saint Alex, whether you want to admit it or not. A regular paragon. Do you want to know why I insisted on staying?”

She shook her head and tried to escape. Christopher stepped to the side and blocked her. He only grinned at her as she stared at him in panic. “Christopher, don’t say it.”

“I insisted on staying because you’re the only family I have left.” He explained, ignoring her plea. “We may not share blood but you’re the only mother I remember, a big sister that protects me from the darkest shadows in the galaxy.”

“I don’t do it for praise.”

“And that’s what makes it so much purer.” He smiled at her and took her hand in his, giving it a squeeze. “I love you, Alex Shepard.”

She hissed at the name but melted anyways. With tears in her eyes she pulled him into a hug. “I love you too, Christopher Valle.”

He chuckled and hugged her back. “Okay, now that we got that out of the way, can I get back to work?”

Alex laughed and whipped the tears off her cheeks. “Just don’t tell anyone. I need to keep the bad ass appearance going. Keeps the passengers scared.”

“You’re secrets safe with me sis.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Always up for prompts  
> My tumblr: http://brittsis.tumblr.com/


	9. Chapter 9

An uneventful week had passed. The crew was getting restless and she could see the beginning of cabin fever in the asari guest. Luckily Palavan was in sight and they could all get much needed shore leave. They’d be in dock for three days while cargo was unloaded and paid for. Kiral would refuel the ship while Christopher would requisition essentials. Luka, Meris, and herself would head to shadier parts with packs full of illegal goods. The problem would be avoiding Hackett.

Alex still hadn’t explained everything. Whenever he tried to talk, she’d either walk away or kiss him until he forgot. The tactic worked for now but she could see it wouldn’t work for long. He was getting more persistent every day but she couldn’t find the words to explain it yet. 

She was currently hiding in the cockpit, shadowing Kiral as she cleared the relay. The energy faded and they were instant hailed by traffic control. Kiral frowned at her before she reached for the coms. 

“Cargo ship, you have entered restricted space. Identify yourself.”

Alex mirrored Kiral’s frown and took a seat in the copilot’s seat. She activated the coms and answered. “This is Captain Alex Willows of the human cargo vessel The Gryphon. Our license number is human code alpha yankee six three two sierra nine nine foxtrot.”

“Hold position while we confirm.”

She sat back in the chair and bit her lip in thought. She could hear Kiral growling softly as her talons tapped the console. Palavan had always been a high security port but this was worse. They’d never been stopped fresh out of the relay.

“Identification confirmed,” the voice came back. “Captain Willows, please dock in Manae dock four. Deviation from the flight path sent to you will result in being fired upon.”

“And this is why I left.” Kiral grumbled after the com closed. She uploaded the flight path and eased the ship towards the docking station. “Shadowy orders masked with threats. You do it their way or not at all. They’re up to something, mark my words.”

Alex sighed and pushed from her seat. “We’ll figure it out once we dock.”

“Damn right we will.” Kiral answered her. “What are they trying to hide this time?”

“And what did they hide last time?”

“How about the whole reaper invasion? That Commander Shepard warned them, she gave them mountains of evidence. And did they do anything about it? No, they covered it up and called her crazy.” Kiral ranted as she flew. “Just continue about your business people and don’t question your superiors. Ha! Almost lost us the damn war.”

She couldn’t help but allow a small smile to curl her lips. This is why she picked Kiral over any other pilot for hire on Omega. The turian questioned everything and wouldn’t take a simple answer. It was entertaining to listen to her conspiracy theories and her inability to blindly follow orders reminded her of Garrus. “We won in the end.”

“But at what cost? Billions dead, entire planets lost, government take over… Just take your pick. If they’d taken that damn stick out their ass we wouldn’t be on a verge of economic crash and struggling to survive.”

“You don’t have to tell me.” Alex replied back, trying to calm her down. “Wait until we hit port and find some bar like you usually do.”

Kiral grunted, “Been a while since I’ve been in a good bar fight. I could blow off a little steam.”

“There you go.” Alex patted her shoulder. “Take us in, Kiral.”

“Yes Captain.”

\--------------------------

“What do you mean we can’t leave the ship?” Alex shouted at the official blocking her cargo bay. “We need provisions and I have business in port.”

“Two hundred units of provisions will be brought to your…”

“A week! It’s two weeks to the next stop!” She growled out, getting in the man’s face. He didn’t budge but for just a twitch of his mandibles. 

“We understand but with rationing you could leave turian space…”

“Leave? That’s a four week voyage. You expect us to make it four weeks with only a week of food? What the hell is going on here?”

His mandibles tightened against his face but he remained at parade rest, staring at a spot just over her shoulder. “That is classified Captain. The only reason you were allowed to dock was because of the supplies you were carrying. Otherwise, you’d have been sent on your way.”

Alex growled and fought for control. She wanted to deck the man but it wouldn’t do any good. He was only following orders. “I want to speak to whoever is in charge.”

“General Dorian is very busy and can’t waste time speaking with a civilian captain. You’ve been given your rations and fuel. Once we finish unloading, you will leave turian space.”

Fury flashed through her as she screamed and stormed off. It was no use. They needed more food, water, and fuel but the liaison wouldn’t listen to a word she was saying. For the first time in years she regretted leaving her old identity behind. Commander Shepard could have opened any doors. The turians would have given her anything she’d have wanted and more. Hell the red carpet would’ve been rolled out and a banquette held in her honor. But she wasn’t Commander Shepard anymore and Captain Willows was a nobody. 

\--------------------

“Meris,” Alex entered the mess area and waived the salarian over to her. Going over to the corner, she whispered to the woman. “Can you get off the ship without anyone seeing you?”

Meris raised a brow at her in answer, causing Alex to grin.

“How many can you sneak out?”

Meris narrowed her eyes in thought, her fingers tapping against her thigh. “I could take you and one other as long as they are not Luka. The big lug doesn’t have a stealth bone in his body. Someone trained in war fare though, so not the boy. Maybe Kiral, but she wouldn’t want to leave the ship. I would rather have her here and waiting in case we need quick exit.”

Alex nodded. “So just you and me then?”

The salarian shook her head. “No, need third party member or I go alone.”

Alex sighed. She didn’t want her friend going in alone but they needed information and supplies. Her choices were limited though. They could bring Kiral if Christopher took the pilot’s seat. Kiral had been teaching him as a backup pilot but he wouldn’t be experienced enough to make the quick getaway or extraction they would need. 

“I know how you feel about involving passengers…” Meris interrupted her thoughts.

Alex’s eyes narrowed as she understood her meaning. She had a firm rule about mixing their legal and illegal business. It was dangerous and just begged for someone to report you. To invite the former Admiral along for the covert mission was idiotic. And yet she didn’t have much choice. She cursed and rubbed her face. “I’ll talk to him.”

“Meet me here in twenty minutes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Always up for prompts.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoy this. Just a bit of fluff before some action.   
> I'm always up for prompts.   
> My tumblr http://brittsis.tumblr.com/

She found him in her room, eyes narrowed at the items stacked in the corner. Alex had Luka and Meris move the goods to her quarters when it became clear that something was wrong. It made it easier for them to access it without having to access the smuggler’s catch but let it out in the open. He was frowning at the piles of electronics and weapons, his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides. When Alex entered, he turned those eyes on her and she felt her knees go weak. 

“Steven,” Alex shook it off. “I have a favor to ask.”

“What the hell is going on?” Hackett spat out. He picked up a pistol and waved it at her. “This thing has three illegal mods and the registration has been wiped clean.”

“It’s merchandise.” She explained.

“Oh is that all? Who are you going to sell it to?”

Alex shrugged, “Whoever is willing to pay the price.”

He growled and tossed the weapon aside. “Are you going to answer my questions or just shrug them off?”

“We don’t have time for this.”

“Alex, you’ve avoided my questions since I’ve come on board.” He marched over to her and slammed her against the wall, blocking her off with his arms. “I’m welcome in your bed but not your head?”

“You don’t want in my head. Sometimes I don’t even want in here.”

“I love you.” His eyes narrowed as she flinched and looked away. “I want every part of you, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Why Alex? Why turn to smuggling?”

“Because no one thanks me,” Alex whispered.

“What does that have to do with anything?”

Alex cursed her slip and tried to dodge under his arms. He only shifted and blocked her again. He waited, silence filling the room as he waited for her to speak. She could hear the time slipping away and knew her options were running out. Frowning, she looked away from him as she spoke. “During the war I made choices. Some were good while others were bad. It didn’t matter though. No matter what I did, someone was thanking me. Hundred would die and someone would thank me.”

“Alex…” Hackett’s voice softened as he cupped her cheek. When she looked up, he gave her a light kiss. 

She pulled away and evaded to the other side of them room. “I need your help.”

He sighed, deciding to let it go for now. “What do you need?”

“I need to get to Palavan. Meris said she could get me off the ship but we need another teammate. Can you gear up?”

He nodded, “Where do you want me to meet you?”

“The cockpit in twenty,” Alex answered him. 

\---------------------

They moved silently through the city. It had taken a lot of skill and patience but Meris has commandeered a shuttle and gotten them planet side. They’d landed in a city still in ruin. Scars from the war were everywhere, each refusing to be erased. The sight weighed heavily on her heart. Alex fought back the guilt and forced herself to concentrate. It only took a moment’s distraction to destroy them and she wouldn’t allow anything to happen. The mission was too important and too many lives depended on its success.

“We’re being followed.” Hackett whispered over the comms.

Meris nodded, “I’m just waiting for them to show themselves.”

“Well let’s give them an invite then.” Alex stood from cover and placed her rifle down. Her hands went into the air as she spun. “We’re not here to fight. I’m just looking for answers.”

Hackett cursed and tried to pull her back into cover. She swatted his hand away and continued. “We just want to know what’s going on.”

Several minutes passed before a turian appeared. He was young, couldn’t have been more than twelve. Still he stood tall and held a rifle on her as he spoke. “What would two humans and a salarian be doing on Palavan?”

“I’m Captain Alex Willows of the cargo ship The Gryphon.” Alex explained, walking closer. “My ship was employed to make a delivery. We were grounded on Manae and were rewarded with death. I’m looking for answers and possible help.”

He drew his mandibles in tight as he considered her words. “We can’t offer much help. We’re in the middle of a war.”

Alex swallowed hard, goose bumps covering her skin. So many images came to her head. Death, destruction, and pain ruled her for several minutes as she struggled to breathe. 

“Alex?” Hackett asked, worry in his voice.

She pulled herself together, fighting for her sanity. Her eyes closed as she willed her mind to obey. “Can you take me to your superior?”

He shifted on his feet nervously. Eyes searched the area while his aim waivered. Alex forced herself to smile and put the boy at ease. “I’ll let you hold our weapons.”

He nodded, “My name is Leoke Vitkal.”

\-----------------------------------

The people had rebelled against the Hierarchy. They’re loyalty had been stretched too far. Enough was enough and no longer would they sit by while the lower cast starved and lived in squalor. The people rose up and declared war. Now the Hierarchy was blocking off the relay and any supplies that could help them. Two weeks in and they’d lost a third their troops to hunger and exhaustion. Something needed to be done.

Alex stood guard, lending aid while she tried to come up with a plan. It was evident that the rebellion was in the right. The Hierarchy had taxed them too harshly and rationed them too death. Support went to career military and prominent families, exhausting them long before they got to the people that needed them. It was disgusting at how quickly people had forgotten the one lesson the Reapers had taught them. 

“Alex, I can see that brain of yours working.” Hackett spoke from his spot beside her. 

She sighed, “I tried so hard to hide away. No matter what I do, trouble follows me. A stranded passenger vessel, batarian pirates attacking a port, a child crying over his dead mother, now a god damn war that the good guys are losing.”

Cursing, Alex rubbed her face hard and shifted on her feet. “I’ve got several hundred thousand of credits in my smugglers catch. I only need to walk away and sell it on the Citadel. Luka would be able to buy that new armor. Meris could pay the bounty on her head and maybe return to Sur’Kesh. I could afford an engine rebuild and start on that retirement fund. But all I can think is that without it, all these people are going to die. Once again I’m trying to be the fucking hero.”

“And that’s a bad thing?”

“Don’t you fucking get it?” She yelled, fingers itching to grab something and start throwing. “I left that life behind. I’m a fucking smuggler and sometimes pirate. I turned to a life of crime so I can avoid becoming someone hero. I don’t want this!”

Hackett walked over to her, taking her hands in his. “Sometimes it’s not what we want. Sometimes fate plays it hands and we’re forced to become who we’re meant to be. You are Alex Shepard… No don’t flinch from it. You can change your name and fake your death but you can’t change who you are. You, my love, are a hero.”

“Fuck,” She knew he was right and part of her melted at his words. A zebra couldn’t change her stripes. Hackett had seen right through her and spoke a truth she’d been hiding from for the last ten years. And to make matters worse, Alex found herself slipping. She was falling for the man and didn’t want to.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to take this time to thank everyone for the kudos and comments.  
> Pixelatrix, Verdandi73, and HeartyMedusa among many others.  
>  They make my little heart pitter patter.   
> NSFW content ahead. just a warning.

“Luka won’t be happy.” Meris spoke after hearing what Alex had offered the rebel general.

Alex frowned, “He’ll just have to deal with it. I’m only giving them the weapons and heat sinks.”

“That’s still over half of our goods, most of which were heading for Omega.”

“I’ll deal with her.”

Meris sighed and shook her head. “You’re either very brave or very stupid to go against the Queen of Omega.”

“Neither,” Alex explained. “Aria and I go a ways back. Let’s just say her and I have an arrangement.”

“Meaning?”

“Neither of us wants to test each other in a fight.” Alex allowed the slight smile to escape.

Meris huffed, “A little cocky don’t you think?”

She shook her head. “No, just the truth.”

“It’s a waste though,” Meris tried to change topics, hoping to save their income. “You and I both know that without some serious help they’re not going to win.”

Alex decided to ignore that statement. She looked up at the sky in thought, looking for the ship she was expecting any second. After making the deal, Alex had contacted Kiral and gave her orders. The pilot was to shake her guard and make her way planet side. Once the ship landed, Kiral and Luka were going to join the ground team for a mission.  
Part of the deal involved food. As payment for the weapons, the rebels were going to help them raid a food store. While they pressed the attack elsewhere, Alex and her team would infiltrate and commandeer several months’ worth of provisions. 

“Alex…” Meris called her from her thoughts. “What’s the plan?”

“We’re going to get our food and leave.”

“But…”

Alex shook her head. “It’s not our fight. There is too much at stake here and too high of a chance of it spilling over. The galaxy won’t survive through another large scale war.”

\--------------------

Luka was pissed. As soon as he learned about her plan he had started yelling. The ship hadn’t been on the ground more than a few minutes before he started. The shouting match had almost come to blows several times. In the end, Alex had laid down the law. She was Captain; it was her ship, her goods. If he didn’t like it he could get the fuck off her ship. With a roar, he stomped off and hid in his quarters and refused to leave. 

Kiral had piloted the ships small shuttle while Meris, Hackett, and Alex checked their weapons in the passenger compartment. Meris made adjustments to her omnitool as she spoke. “What’s the plan?”

Alex adjusted her rifles sights, “You and Hackett are going to circle around the back while I hit the front.”

Hackett frowned, “Alone?”

She shrugged, “I’d had preferred Luka’s help but beggars can’t be choosers.”

“I don’t like this.”

“I’ve faced worse.”

“Alex…”

She interrupted him with a look. Going over, he placed his helmet on and placed a kiss on the face plate. “Trust me. I can handle this.”

“She’s right.” Meris hooked her own helmet in place. “I’ve seen her take out an entire pirate base while Luka and I only performed clean up.”

“I don’t like it.” Hackett growled but let it go. At least until she opened the hatch and gave him a salute before stepping out. “God damn it.”

Meris laughed, “I don’t know where she learned that but it never gets old.”

\----------------------------

Alex threw a frag grenade before taking cover around the room. It shattered brining cries of pain. She spun and took out the remaining guards with her assault rifle. Each squeeze of the trigger was measured and not a single bullet was wasted. It was easy to remember the steps. Sight, squeeze the trigger, grenade, concussion shot, and end it with omni blade stab. 

The room was cleared and she was surrounded with blood and body. Her breathing was heavy and her heart was wild. Shaking, she stepped around her kills and headed for the next room. 

She met up with the others near the vault. Meris was already working on the door while Hackett watched her back. He spotted her come through the door and let out the breath he was holding. He couldn’t stop worrying about her. “Alex?”

Alex gave him thumbs up and took her spot near the door. “Meris?”

The salarian grunted and changed tactics, “just a few more minutes.”

She cursed as reinforcements started down the hall. Alex pulled out her last grenade and tossed it into the opening. “You’ve got five.”

Hackett hurried to her side and opened fire on the survivors. “Come here often?”

Alex chuckled, “Seems that way. Never seen you here before.”

“I tend to stay back and give orders. I like giving orders.”

\------------------------

Her blood was pumping as she paced the small cabin of the shuttle. Alex had never been able to sit still right after a firefight. Adrenaline kept her active until she found a way to get rid of it. She bit her lip as she glanced at Hackett. He sat, relaxed, on the bench. His eyes followed her and she groaned at the hunger in them. 

"Stop looking at me like that." She hissed at him before continuing her pacing.

He smiled slowly as he continued to watch her. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

"Steven," She hissed at him again. Her eyes settled on the door that separated them from the pilot’s area. Meris and Kiral was inside, watching for pursuit. They were racing back to the rebel camp after the successful raid, hoping they wouldn’t be discovered. 

"They’d never know." Hackett spoke softly and reached for her.

Alex went to him, straddling his waist. Their lips connected in a burning kiss as fingers worked quickly on armor. Practice and urgency had the necessary pieces removed in record time. His teeth latched onto her lips as she growled at him. She took his hands and put them behind his back. “Stay or else.”

“Alex,” he warned and moved to grab her.

She growled at him again, “My way or I walk away.”

She watched his eyes darken as he watched her. Neither moved for several seconds as a silent war was waged. In the end, he surrendered and put his hands behind his back.  
Alex grinned and pushed him down in the chair until she towered over him. She took precious time to grind against him. His bulge grew as clothed sex slide together. Hackett muffled a groan by biting his tongue. She gasped as her body pressed against his. She needed him and the realization sent a chill down her spine. There was a large gap between want and need. It was a gap that she had never crossed before.

Cursing, Alex reached between them and removed the final barrier. Her fingers gripped the back of the bench as she sank slowly onto him. Inch by agonizing inch, she took him into her. By the time she accepted all of him she was shaking. 

Hackett cursed and fought every instinct that urged him to grab her. He wanted to surge up into her and take possession. Every nerve in his body itched to take charge and pound into her until she begged for release. Instead he watched her, their eyes connecting as she started moving on him. His tongue wet his lips as she fought to keep silent. She was beautiful. 

“Alex,” Hackett whispered a please.

“Not yet.” She answered him, her forehead connecting with his.

Their breaths mixed as they stared into each other eyes. Her hands moved from the bench to his neck, fingers dancing a cross his skin. She kissed him in a long passionate kiss, taking her time to taste him. 

Pulling away from the kiss, Alex watched him. His eyes had closed sometime during the kiss. Every muscle in his body was taught as he fought for control. Smiling she cupped his check and brushed his lips with her thumb. Hackett opened his eyes and she gasped at the emotion in them. 

Alex swallowed and leaned in. Her teeth nibbled on his ear before she whispered his name. “Steven, take me.”

He roared as he hands rushed to grab her. Fingers pressed against old bruises, reawakening them. Hackett lifted her up and stood. Her back slammed against the side of the shuttle. Before she could protest, he lifted a leg and drove into her.

Alex had screamed. Only Hackett’s lips on hers had kept the sound from alerting the others. He kept the pace hard and fast as his teeth worked her lips and neck. One hand gripped her hip while the other circled her throat. A tight grip held her in place giving her no room to return his thrusts.

“Oh god,” Alex whimpers out. Her nails scrambled over his armor, searching for any purchase.

“Look at me.” Hackett growled out, squeezing tighter. “Mine.”

When she didn’t answer him, he stopped moving. Alex whimpered and tried to move only to be stopped. She swallowed and cried out for mercy. 

“Who do you belong to?” Hackett snarled into her ear.

Alex gasped and tried to move again. In retaliation, he pulled from her completely and pinned her hands above her head. He used his other hand to cup himself. Hackett smiled wide while she cursed him and struggled to get free. “If you don’t answer me, I’ll finish without you.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Who do you belong to Alex?”

“Fuck you.”

Hackett chuckled and leaned in to smell her hair. “You’re running out of time.”

“Fucker.”

“I’d love to but you refuse to answer me.”

Alex cursed him again and tried to free herself. His grip was locked and it was useless. She never should have surrendered her control and now pride and stubbornness stood in the way. Instead of giving in, Alex steeled herself and lifted her chin in defiance.

He chuckled at her determination and kissed her hard, avoiding her teeth. His lips left a trail down her jaw until he could reach that soft skin just below her ear. Teeth sank into flesh as he stroked himself a couple more times. He groaned as he bucked into his hand, finding his release.

His grip didn’t loosen until he was finished. Stepping back, he grinned at her. “I should make you clean this up but that would be a reward wouldn’t it.”

Alex snarled at him, her hand going right for her sex. He grabbed her wrist and yanked it away. Hackett bared his teeth as he spoke slowly. “You’re not allowed to touch yourself. You’re not allowed to come until I tell you so. If I catch you or so much as suspect that you broke these rules you’re punishment will be severe. Don’t test me.”

The look in his eyes had her swallowing and her stomach go tight. A fresh wave of lust washed through her and Alex already regretted her action. She clenched her legs together and hoped for some kind of relief. His eyes narrowed and Alex relaxed her muscles. 

“Steven,” She pleaded instead.

He grinned at her. “No time, we’ll be landing soon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you guys think? Should she obey him or not? Leave your opinions in comments or on my tumblr http://brittsis.tumblr.com/


	12. Chapter 12

They hid just behind the relay. For now they were out of sight and off the sensors. It wasn’t the best hiding spot but it provided the quickest retreat. They received food and fuel but it wouldn’t last. They’d need to make a short jump without stops. If anything should happen, they’d be dead in the water without any hope. Alex knew where they needed to go and she knew they wouldn’t be happy. 

Passengers were sent to the mess to await her announcement. The crew gathered in the cockpit and Alex headed right there after putting her armor away. Kiral sat in the pilot’s seat, her eyes glued to the sensors. Chris sat beside her, attention split between her lesson and Alex entering the room. Meris and Luka were arguing in harsh whispers in the corner of the room. Meris had an eyebrow cocked with her arms crossed while Luka gestured angrily. 

Hackett had pushed his way into the room. They’d argued about his presence but he pointed out that she involved him twice already. She’d been hoping to get a few spare moments of peace away from him. His knowing smirk caused her stomach muscles to tighten and her skin to flush. He knew exactly what he was doing to her and he enjoyed it. 

Alex crossed the room, forcing herself not to look in his direction. She rested a hip on the corner of Christopher’s chair and crossed her arms. Clearing her throat, she waited until everyone was paying attention. “We’re in a tricky situation.”

“Only made sticker by your bleeding heart,” Luka growled out.

“If I hadn’t of made the deal, we would’ve starved before reaching a friendly port. Drop it.” She snarled.

“I worked for those credits and expect to be compensated.” Luka stomped over to her, poking her in the chest. “We’re smugglers, not fucking heroes.”

Alex stood straight and pushed him back. “I am captain of this ship. I decide what we do.”

He bared his teeth, “Nothing is permanent.”

The threat was clear and Alex knew she only had a few seconds to react. Her time with Wrex and Grunt had taught her many things about krogan culture. If she didn’t react correctly, he’d see her as weak. Alex cursed, knowing this was going to hurt. Rearing her had back she head butted him hard enough to knock him to the floor.

Hackett was the only one to react. He pushed from the wall and hurried to her side. Her nose was bleeding and a bruise was already surfacing on her forehead. He reached for her, only to have her stop him with a glare. 

Alex pulled a pistol from an ankle holster and placed it firmly against Luka’s face. “Listen and listen carefully. I’ve fought bigger and stronger krogan than you after fighting a maw on foot. You are just a pyjak, not worth my time.”

She noticed the flash of recognition in his eyes a moment before he narrowed them. Right away she knew she’d said too much. Her exploits on Tuchanka were legend to the krogan. She was the only human to be accepted into a clan. Her name meant friend and she was their biggest hero. Every visit to the war torn planet had been a risk. And now she had said too much.

Chastising herself, Alex released Luka and re-holstered her weapon. “That goes for everyone here. I am the captain. I decide what missions we take. I decide what I do with my cargo. Anyone have a problem it can get off at the next stop.”

Nobody argued. Hackett was the only one that made eye contact but he wisely kept his mouth shut. Alex nodded and wiped the blood from her nose. “Kiral, head for Acrolla.”  
Kiral frowned at her as she inputted the coordinates. Alex frowned back at her. “Problem?”

“That port is run by the Blood Pack. They swore to kill you next time we docked there.” Kiral explained. 

“I can handle a few rogue vorcha and krogans. It’s the only port close enough without risking running out of fuel.”

Kiral sighed and scratched a mandible. “If we reduce output we can just barely make it to Tuchanka.”

“I don’t want just,” Alex growled. “We’re heading for Acrolla and that’s final.”

\-----

It had been a long and hard day. The firefight on Palavan, arguing with Luka, speaking with the passengers, and Hackett shadowing her everywhere had left her very tired and tense. Alex hurt all over and a pounding headache pressed against her eyes. For the first time in years she found herself thirsty. A bottle of Jameson Irish Whiskey had been hidden in a wall panel of her cabin. It had been one of three bottles that survived the war and had seemed a waste to dump it with the rest of her alcohol. Instead, Alex had wrapped the bottle with an old shirt and stored away. She’d forgotten about it until now.

Hurrying across the room, she moved the bed and retrieved her treasure. The cap was still sealed and the liquid a beautiful gold. Tumblers joined the bottle on her desk and, before she could think, two fingers were poured. The scent hit her first, rich with just a hint of spice. Alex lifted the glass to her nose and took a deep sniff. 

The happy memories came first. Her sip with her mother that had caused a fits of coughs. Sitting with Hackett as they shared a bottle and exchanged stories. Laughing with her crew as they gathered around the poker table. 

Then came the bad. The burn in her throat. Her hand shaking as she reached for another glass only to drink straight out of the bottle. Stumbling through the ship as tears soaked her cheeks. That moment when she’d reacted too slow and failed to stop the mercenaries from boarding the ship. Accepting that she was an alcoholic and fighting the urge to take just one more sip.

Disgusted with herself, Alex slammed the glass down and caused the whiskey to spill. She fought the urge to lick her fingers clean as she stepped away from it and the temptation. What she needed was a hot shower and a release, not a fall off a six year wagon. With a snarl she tore her clothes off and headed for the small restroom.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beware, smut fill chapter ahead. Just a warning.
> 
> Follow me at http://brittsis.tumblr.com/ for chapter sneak peeks and updates on progress.

Hackett wasn’t sure how she had lost him. Since returning from Palavan, he’d kept her in his sight. He knew she wouldn’t follow his instructions. It was only a matter of time before she broke down and he intended to catch her. He started his search in the cockpit and worked slowly through the ship. He was about half way done when Christopher found him and directed him toward the Captain’s quarters. It had been such an obvious choice that Hackett hadn’t expected her to head there.

Without knocking, he hacked the door and stepped into the room. The living quarters were empty but he could hear the shower running in the next room. Her clothes littered the floor and a glass sat with whiskey on her desk. Hackett lifted the glass and took a sip, finding it enjoyable as it burned down his throat. He refilled the glass and sipped it as he opened the bathroom door. 

Hackett leaned against the door jam and watched her. She was leaning against the wall, facing away from him. The water beat against her neck and shoulders as his eyes raked her form. Dozens of scars marred her skin, old war injuries healed. Each jagged line and puckered skin a testament to her strength and courage. Each mark had a story behind it and he knew half of them. 

Her moaned echoed through the room and brought a smile to his lips. Hackett finished his drink before stripping his clothes. He stepped into the spay and wrapped his arms around her. Alex jumped in surprise and tried to turn around but he kept her facing away from him. His hand joined hers at her sex and thrust two fingers inside.  
“What did I tell you?” He hissed into her ear.

“It’s my body; I do what I want with it.” Alex gasped out, her body bucking into his touch.

“That’s where you’re wrong.” Hackett scrapped his teeth on the back of her neck, causing him to shiver. “Why should I reward you?”

“I’ve had a hard day,” she gasped out as his fingers pinched her ripple hard.

“I gave you your chance earlier. You should have taken it.” He thrust harder and faster into her, his nails scraping her insides.

“I’m no one’s property.”

Hackett growled and spun her around. His fingers left her and hands pinned her down. His body pressed against her as his erection teased her entrance. She cursed him while her body arched against him. She tried to shift her hips but he held her firm. Their eyes connected and Hackett spoke slowly and firmly. “When we’re together, when you’re in bed, when we’re like this…”

At the word, Hackett thrust into her. He almost lost his control and had to tighten his grip on her hips to keep her still. Her orgasm ripped through them both and left her limp against him. He kissed her hars and thrust into her a few times before pulling away. Fingers fisted her hair and yanked on it until she looked at him. “You are mine, Alex. You are mine to do with as I please; mine to pleasure or punish as I see fit.”

He watched the defiance spark in her eyes and her mouth open to argue. In retaliation, he yanked her hair again and bit her lip. Once he was sure she would remain silent, he continued. “Now, you’ve disobeyed me and need to be punished. Go stand at attention at the foot of the bed.”

“Yes, sir,” The confirmation came out automatically before she could think to stop it. Alex yearned for this, deep down. She didn’t want to admit it, not even to herself, but Alex loved this loss of control. It was the reason she turned down Kaidan, why Zaeed hadn’t cut it, and why, in the end, Garrus would never have been more than a distraction. Hackett was the first to test her, the first to dominate her in the way she craved. So she marched out of the bathroom and, still dripping wet, did as she was directed.

Alex stood perfectly still. Only years of military service kept her muscles ridged and shivering from the cold and want. Her skin prickled in goose bumps as her eyes stayed glued on the bathroom door. Anticipation had her muscles tightening and her mind going crazy. What was he doing in there? What was he planning? How would he punish her? The tension built inside her until she wanted to scream. Just when Alex didn’t think she could take anymore, he stepped through the door.

Hackett had taken the time to dry his skin but had left the towel behind. Her eyes instantly went south and found him still hard and weeping for attention. Alex swallowed hard but kept still as he approached. He stroked himself a few times as he stood in front of her. His eyes narrowing until she looked away from his hand and at him. 

“I’ve decided your punishment. This time I’ll go easy because it is only your first infraction. But each time it will get worse.” Hackett spoke carefully as his fingers caressed her face and lips. “Get on the bed, on all fours.”

Alex hesitated only long enough for him to raise a brow. She swallowed and did as she was told. The bed creaked as she got into position. She looked over her shoulder and watched as he climbed into the bed beside her.

“I think ten swats will do it.” Hackett spoke, trying to hide the grin forming on his face. 

Without warning, he began. His hand landed on her bare behind in a loud slap. Alex wasn’t expecting the pain. She thought he’d made a big show of the punishment, more of an act than any actual pain. It had her gasping and muffling her cries with the bedding. By the time the last spanking connected her hind quarters were bright red and silent tears brimmed her eyes.

“Good girl,” Hackett murmured while he pulled her to her knees. He moved behind her and fit his body against hers. Lips caressed the back of her neck and grinned as his hand found her wet and waiting. “You like it when I punish you.”

Alex shivered and bowed into his touch. She craned her neck until his lips found his in a long kiss. His mouth captured her moans as fingers pinched and caressed her folds. He fondled her breasts and worked her sex until she gasped out his name.

“Who do you belong to?” He asked as he slid over her entrance.

“You,” She sobbed out. “It’s always been you.”

“Mine,” Hackett shoved her down to the mattress and thrust into her. The pace was fast and unforgiving as all control slipped his grasp. He raced to claim her. Each of her sounds, her pleas for more, and her movements under him drove him. All finesse was abandoned as hunched over her to leave bite marks on her neck and shoulders.  
Alex shouted his name and found herself hurtling over the edge. She couldn’t take more. The pressure was building and she begged for it to stop. The ache grew, her toes curled, and she cried out as the release crashed over her. It was taking all her strength not to collapse under him. 

“Steven,” Alex whimpered.

“Just one more,” He answered her as they flipped them. She lay on his chest while he thrust up into her. He snaked his hand down and pinched her clit between his fingers before circling it. It was long until she came with him right behind her. 

Hackett surfaced slowly. Energy gradually leaked back into his muscles until he gathered the strength to move them. Alex whimpered in protest but snuggled close once he had them under the covers. Her eyes dropped as her legs tangled in his and she nuzzled the crook of his neck. Her held her close and placed a soft kiss on her forehead, “I love you Alex.”

She mumbled something back but quickly fell before he could ask for clarification. Sighing, Hackett closed his eyes and fell asleep content.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait. My other story, Noble Transgression has been in my head a lot lately. Please enjoy.

They arrived at Acrolla and docked smoothly. Alex had ordered that everyone remain aboard. They’d stay long enough to refuel and restock before taking off. It wasn’t enough time for them to stretch their legs and explore the colony. Besides, Acrolla was a hot spot of criminal activity not a tourist stop. It was controlled by the Blood Pack, a port for pirates, smugglers, and slavers. Strangers would disappear from the streets and disagreements usually ended with someone being shot. Blood soaked the street and ran the gutters as freely as rain water. The place use to be a frequent stop until Alex had pissed off the wrong people.

Once in a while a government would get the idea to clean out the place. They’d gather an army and attack the port. The mercenaries would rise up and force them out. It never worked and Acrolla stood true. Five years ago Alex had tested their resolve. She had stumbled across the slave market while they had been selling children. Infuriated, she contacted Aria and together they gathered a force. She led the charge and waged war for two weeks without rest. It was the longest battle ever fought on Acrollian soil and, despite her efforts, she had failed. They chased her off planet and swore to kill her if she ever returned.

Alex dressed in what she considered her business outfit. She wore alliance uniform boots with black cargo pants tucked neatly into them. Each pocket in the pants was filled with something; tripwire, flash bang grenades, frag grenades, spare heat sinks, and her shield generator. She wore a white long sleeve top with an olive padded sleeveless vest over top. The vest provided more pockets, also filled with goodies, and was armored to protect her organs. Her holster belted around her waist and buckled her pistol and smg to her legs. It would’ve been safer to wear her armor but she’d have stuck out and appear as a challenge.

She stood by the cargo door with her arms crossed and her eyes scanning for trouble. Several fights had broken out, most leading to shots being fired. The dead was looted then dragged away to god knew where. Smugglers wove through the docks trying to sell their wares. Several had come close but one look at Alex’s frown had them scurrying away. She hadn’t been tested to leave her post until a slaver went by dragging his stock. Alex wanted to chase him down and free the turian and human that were chained and shackled but knew it would be pointless. The safety of her ship and crew mattered more than two strangers.

Foot steps behind her alerted that she was no longer alone. Hackett stood beside her, hands on his hips. He wore his boots and jeans with a regulation white undershirt. His shoulder holster was strapped over the top, putting his extra heat sinks and smg within easy reach. His eyes scanned the area as he frowned at the scene. Finally his eyes rested on her as he spoke, “How much longer?”

Alex shrugged, not taking her eyes off their surroundings. “They started fueling a few moments ago. Should be a couple hours.”

“What are the chances you’ll be recognized?”

“Pretty good,” She sighed. “Someone will recognize the ship name and report it to their hire ups.”

He frowned at her, “Then why aren’t you inside? Couldn’t Luka or Meris stand guard?”

Alex scowled at him, taking her eyes off their patrol long enough to do it. She didn’t answer him instead resuming her watch. Her hands rested on the butts of her pistol and smg just as a group rounded the corner. A large krogan headed the group and was flanked by two vorcha. She instantly spotted the fuel tanks strapped to one of the vorcha’s back. They’d come out with the intent of doing damage and was heading right for them.

“Three incoming ten o’clock.” Alex hissed and readied for a fit.

Hackett cursed and dropped his arms. His body tightened as he prepared for a firefight. The group approached and stopped just a few meters away. The krogan frowned at him before turning his gaze towards Alex. He sneered at her as his large hand pulled the shotgun from his back. Hackett pulled his pistol out but Alex didn’t move.

“I’m not here to cause trouble Darren.” Alex took a step toward him, her hands up in surrender. “I just need some fuel and will be on our way.”

“I warned you Willows, we so much as spot you in orbit and you’re dead.” Darren growled at her.

“I was dead either way. The turians shut their ports down and I’m out of fuel.”

“Why should I care?”

“Because I have intel that you and your brood can use to make thousands of credits,” Alex explained.

Darren narrowed his eyes, “You think to exchange this intel for your life?”

She nodded, “It’s worth it Darren. You need to only protect me for the few hours that I’m in dock from the other warlords.”

“Tell me?”

“Out here where anyone can hear it?”

He growled before putting his shotgun away. “Inside then.”

\------------------------------

“So this relay just opened?” Darren asked as he shifted on his feet.

“And it’s not even on the map yet.” Alex circled around the room to stand beside the krogan. She still wore her weapons and Hackett stood in the room, but she trusted him enough to get within melee range. “We only had time to search one ship and we scored big.”

Darren grunted as he studied the map. “This alliance is for only this one time. After you take off we go back to being enemies.”

She nodded, “I agree.”

“Then you have a deal human.” He shook her hand as he grinned.

Alex grinned back at him and motioned for Luka. “Please escort our guest off the ship.”

Luka grumbled but did as he was ordered, leaving Hackett and Alex alone. Hackett crossed the room and stood in front of her, a frown on his face. “How often do you make these kinds of deals?”

“As often as is needed to keep me and mine alive.” She spoke up.

“I don’t like it.”

She raised a brow. “And what’s there not to like?”

“You just made a pact with a criminal, giving him access to materials that don’t belong to you.” Hackett answered her. “You don’t have to do this if you…”

She cut him off with a snarl. “I’m not returning to the Alliance.”

“Then retire. Return to earth with me and we can live off our pensions.”

“You think it would be that easy?” Alex cursed as she glared at him.

“Yes, I do.” He snapped, losing his control.

Alex felt like screaming. She felt like slapping him. She wanted to throw things at him until he left her alone. Instead, she shook her head and walked away.

“Alex… Alex, stop.” He called after her and hurried to follow.

Alex stopped and turned around, her hand holding him at arm’s length. “I suggest you sleep in your own cabin tonight and stay away for a while.”

Hackett growled in warning but she only shook her head. “If you try to come near me I will shoot you. That is a promise Admiral.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alex's outfit: http://brittsis.tumblr.com/post/66909560850/alexs-business-outfit-by-bb-bigsis-featuring-a


	15. Chapter 15

Hackett withheld his anger until he was in his quarters. Once the door slid closed, a frustrated scream ripped from his throat as his fist collided with the wall. He heard and felt a bone break but ignored it. He was feeling irate and wanted to shake some sense into Alex. Barring that, he paced the room and flexed his hurt hand. Hackett didn’t understand it. Alex had always been a defender, a paragon of true selflessness. He was proud of her and loved the kindness she showed others. Now, he could barely recognize her.

With a huff he sat on the bed. Slowly the anger was bleeding away leaving only confusion. Something had happened during the Reaper War. Something that he didn’t recognize had changed her. The only people he could ask were gone giving him no hints. It was frustrating.

Hackett had set out for one purpose, to find Alex Shepard and bring her home. What he found was barely recognizable and had him questioning his resolve. Could he love this woman? Did he love her or the person she had been? He knew the answer and it scared him.

“Mother Mary please give me the strength and the wisdom to see this forward.” He whispered the words. “I just want to see her happy and safe.”

\-----------------------

Luka shifted from one foot to the other as he stood guard. Several times he glanced sideways at his Captain. He respected her but he also respected money. If he got enough, if he could prove he could provide he might gain the rights to a breeding contract. He was young yet and could wait but it still irked him to have months of income thrown away. He reacted before he could think, his krogan blood boiling hot. Now he regretted his action, especially now that he knew the truth.

“Spit it out Luka,” Alex spat out.

“I’ve got nothing to say.”

She raised a brow. “Is that so? Then you must need to relieve yourself because you can’t sit still.”

He grumbled and scratched at his head plate. “I just want to know why?”

“Why what?”

“Why you hiding?”

Alex sighed and rubbed her face hard. “That seems to be the question of the day.”

“You could have anything you ever wanted. You’re a god on Tuchanka.” Luka replied.

“I don’t want anything Luka.” She tried to explain. “I just…. It’s better this way.”

He grunted, “I don’t see how. The galaxy is tearing itself apart. Leaders are forgetting what you fought for and disgracing your memory.”

“I don’t want to be put in the middle of it again. I’ve seen too much already.”

“So you’ve turned into a scared pyjak then.”

Alex growled out a warning that had Luka grinning. “Good you still have some fight in you.”

“I’m not scared. I never wanted it, any of it. I just wanted to be a marine that did her job. I took orders and got the job done. I lived, others didn’t.”

“Like Mordin?”

She went silent, fighting back the lump that formed in her throat. So many forgot the salarian and credited only her. He given everything for the cure and received nothing back. For Luka to remember him, to mention his name, touched something in her long forgotten. Swallowing, Alex pushed the emotion back. “Him and others.”

Luka nodded, “I think I can understand that. I lost a brother during the war. He was younger than me but had a brain like no others. Said he was going to help our people and not sell himself off. He didn’t deserve to die and yet he did. I stand here while better krogans passed on. We remember them and honor them in our own way.”

\-------------------------

“We’re clear.” Kiral announced as Luka and Alex closed the cargo hold.

“Get us out of here.” Alex ordered. “Head right for Tuchanka.”

“Yes, Captain.”

She felt the thrusters engage as the ship shuddered to life. A silent pray passed her thoughts as they left the hell hole behind. Alex hoped to never return, to never have to make a deal with the scum that reside here again. It ate at her to allow them to exist but such was the price of her new life. If she wish to remain hidden away, if she wish to leave her past behind, Alex knew she’d have to turn a blind eye once in a while. No longer could she be their hero. It brought to much pain.

“Alex.”

She looked over and found Hackett standing in the doorway. There was a flash of anger. It came quickly and had her eyes narrowing. It passed though, quickly replaced with an ache. Alex knew that he’d have to go as well. He would never let things be and would never understand. It would hurt and that realization left her weak.

“Hackett.”

He walked toward her but didn’t touch her yet, “I’m sorry.”

“Steven…”

He shook his head, “No, I need to say this. I’ve been an idiot. I was too focused on the wrong things. I forgot the most important thing.”

“And what is that?”

He smiled softly at her and brushed her cheek. “That you’re alive.”

“Steven…”

He interrupted her again, this time with a kiss. His lips were soft against hers. It was slow. Alex felt her resolve melting into the kiss. Her body leaned against his and her hands went around him. He ended the kiss and held her close. Hackett tucked her head under his chin and just held her. It was then that Alex knew. Somehow, sometime, she’d fallen in love with Admiral Hackett and it was going to kill her to drive him away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me. You know you love it.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this chapter just poured right out of me. I totally didn't intend this. Alex just does things and I have no choice but to allow them.  
> Enjoy

Alex hid in engineering. Steven had been loving and gentle during the day then domineering and controlling at night. It was a perfect combination and it scared her shitless. Too long she avoided long term relationships and now she had one staring her straight in the face.

“Alex, why are you hiding?”

She raised a brow, “Who says I’m hiding? Maybe I just want to spend some time with you.”

Chris grinned, “You never come down here. All the electronics scare you.”

“No they don’t.”

“Fine then, help me calibrate the eezo output.”

Alex paled and stood from her seat, “Um… I think I have a gun that needs cleaned.”

Chris laughed, “I’m sure he’s looking for you.”

“Don’t know what you’re talking about.” She yelled as she left the room, his laughter chasing her out.

She hurried down the hall and headed for the cockpit. She could sit with Kiral and avoid the Admiral for a few more hours. Alex turned the corner and ran right into the man she was desperately avoiding. His arms wrapped around her and held her steady as she regained her balance. “Sorry, I wasn’t watching where I was looking.”

Steven grinned at her and brushed a stray hair away from her face. “I’ve been looking for you. Where have you been hiding?”

“I wasn’t hiding!” Alex snapped and pushed against his chest.

He held her tighter. “Sure you haven’t.”

She growled but he only trailed his hand from her check to her neck. His fingers tightened and he backed her against the hull. “Don’t threaten me Alex.”

“Steven…”

He wedged his knee between her legs and barred his teeth, “I like it when you run. I have to chase you down.”

She swallowed and gripped his shirt tight. Her gut tightened at the gleam in his eyes. “Steven…”

Hackett kissed her roughly, scraping her lips with his teeth, then stepped back and released her. “Run.”

“What…”

“Run,” He growled at her. “Or I’ll take you right here.”

Her heart skipped a beat as she turned and followed orders. Alex hurried through the ship, trying to make it to her quarters. His laughter followed her. She could hear him and knew he wasn’t far behind. Hackett didn’t give her much of a head start. Fear and lust pumped through her body. She slid down a ladder and dove into a maintenance tunnel. She was smaller than him and would have an easier time navigating them.

“I’m coming for you Alex,” He called into the tunnels and had her gasping.

Alex pulled open a hatch and dropped into a lower level. She didn’t pause. Her quarters were just a few meters away. She reached out to palm the door open only to be yanked away. Steven pinned her against the wall and growled in her ear.

“Steven…”

“I win.”

“Please the door is right there.”

He shook his head and undid her trousers. His hand pulled her underwear aside and cupped her warmth. “Your soaked through, ready for me.”

Alex gasped and arched into his touch. “Please.”

“Please what?”

“Steven..”

“Say the words Alex or do you want to be punished?”

Her thoughts warred against each other. She wanted him but the idea of him hurting her had her insides clenching. She grabbed a hand full of his hair and tugged him in for a kiss. It was harsh and bruising as she struggled with herself.

Hackett growled and bit her lip before pulling away. “You’re my prize Alex. I caught you far and square. Say the words.”

“I need you.”

He grinned and pushed two fingers into her entrance. She moaned and scratched his neck. Hackett hissed and thrust his fingers faster into her. “Undo my pants.”

His voice was harsh and she rushed to obey. Alex undid his pants but did little else. She was pushing the limits and knew it. Hackett pinched her clit and stilled his hand. “Alex…”

“I did what you asked.” She gasped out.

His yanked her hair and bit her neck hard enough to leave a mark. Alex cried out in pain and squirmed against him. Alex reached into his boxers and pulled him loose. Hackett groaned and moved his fingers again. “Hold me.”

She obeyed but didn’t move. He pumped his hips and fucked her hand as his nails scrapped her insides. “Look at you, pinned against the wall with my dick in your hands. I should make you suck me off, put that pretty little mouth to work. Then I could leave you here, wet and wanting.”

Alex whimpered and bucked into his hand. She couldn’t do that again. Twice he used that tactic against her. Twice she caved in and begged for release. It went against her pride but he left her with little choice. “Please don’t.”

Hackett chuckled, “What will you do for release?”

“Anything.”

“Anytime?”

“Yes,” She cried desperately.

“I will cash that in Alex.”

“Steven..”

“Mine.”

“Yours.”

Hackett grinned and ripped her pants away. He pulled her hand from him and pinned them both against the wall. Kicking her feet apart, he drove hard into her. Alex screamed and pressed into him. He set the pace hard and fast. His mouth trailed on her neck with kisses until he found her mouth.

Alex kissed him back and matched his thrusts. Her heart raced and her toes curled. She wanted to touch him but his hands kept her pinned. Instead she lifted a leg and wrapped it around his waist. They raced to completion, their movements becoming wild. She clenched around him and he emptied into her.

Spent, they caught their breath and stood still. Neither could find the energy to move yet. It was several seconds later that Alex hummed and arched into him. He was still inside her and was still semi hard. He drummed up the energy and move his hips a bit and lift her up.

“I still want you.” He spoke softly.

“Me too,” Alex smiled at him before kissing him softly.

“I love you.”

She closed her eyes and buried her face in his neck. “I can’t.”

He hushed her and kissed her temple. “Say them just once.”

Alex shook her head and bit his neck. Hackett gasped and stilled his movements. “Alex…”

“Please don’t make me. I can’t, if I do it makes it real.”

“Is that so bad?”

The tears clouded her vision but she refused to use them. Drawing back, she kissed him softly and shifted her hips. Grinding against him, she drew another gasp from him and refused to answer the question. This time was slow, it was gentle, and it tugged something inside them both. Alex drew on that emotion and distracted him. Her hands cupped his cheek and she smiled at him.

Hackett struggled for breath. He made love to her, feeding on it. He wanted to hear her say the words but this was so much more. Alex barred herself to him and begged for him to accept it. He smiled back at her and didn’t say a word as he slowly brought them both to the edge. The climb was slow but the fall left them both weak.

He dropped to his knees and held her close as the tremors shook them both. She cried and he accepted her tears. Steven kissed her cheeks and whispered assurances. One day she’d be brave enough to let all the barriers down. One day the words would come and he’d wait for them. 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So real life has been a pain in the tosh.  
> Anyways, here's a chapter. Enjoy

Alex enjoyed the stops at Tuchanka. For weeks they’d remain docked and everyone would disembark. She even chased Kiral off the ship. Her team was given their leave and the passengers left to their own devices. It was stop of pleasure, not business.

Of all the home planets, Tuchanka had made the most improvement since the war. Under Eve’s leadership the krogan flourished. Laws had been passed and the females didn’t let anything fly. They had stared extinction in the face and didn’t want to repeat the experience. Entire cities were cleared of rubble and homes rebuilt. Life spread and slowly the planet became livable.

Alex stood at the cargo doors as people milled around. The docking area had been the first to be built. It was simple, strong, and beautiful. Large stones had been moved in creating a road and walls. Block stalls lined the passages where venders hocked their wares. The ceiling was left open, letting the strong Tuchanka sun in. The space was filled with bodies. Every species was in attendance and it made her proud to see it. The krogan had turned their lives around and used the opportunity given to them. Not all of her decisions had led to death.

Luka stepped up beside her, “How many days we staying?”

“Two weeks.”

He grunted, “Longer than normal but I guess we deserve it. You going on your tour?”

Alex nodded, “I always do.”

“At first I thought it was just you showing respect. Now that I know the truth, I think you’re punishing yourself.” Luka turned to her, a frown on his face. “You’re a fucking hero Alex. There’s nothing you need to punish yourself about.”

“I’m not punishing anyone.”

“Then why?”

Alex frowned. She never considered it before. She just felt compelled to complete the tour. Every time they docked Alex would pack her bag and hike from the dock to the shroud and back. It was a three day journey through untamed ground teaming with thresher maws and varren. The route took her through the old city, the same she took ten years ago. It was a route all krogan were required to make before they gained breeding rights.

“I don’t know.” She finally answered. “Go, visit your clan.”

“I’m going,” Luka replied. “You should go see Mother.”

Her mood instantly soured. Mother was the title given to the high shaman that ruled. The krogan word was more complicated but the translators had adjusted to the simple term. Luka wanted her to visit Eve. It would shatter the cloak she carefully built. First Hackett and now Luka. Why did they want her to show herself? Only pain lay that route.

“No,” She gritted her teeth.

“Alex…”

“God damn it Luka! I said no. Now get out of here before I kick your ass.”

\------------------------------------

Hackett was still in his quarters packing his bag. Alex had been hiding something from him this morning and he was chewing over that fact. He guessed it had to do with her profession but it still upset him.  Hackett accepted her job; he would quit fighting her about it. All that mattered was that she was there and he could be with her.

A knock at his door interrupted his thoughts. It slid open and Chris stepped in. “All packed up Admiral?”

He nodded and put the pack over his shoulder. “Am I the last one off?”

Chris shook his head, “No, Kiral’s the last off every time. You’d think this was her ship and not the Captain’s.”

“Alex has a way of attracting possessive pilots.” Hackett mumbled.

“She does remind me of the stories I heard about Joker.”

Hackett frowned, “You know?”

Chris nodded and shoved his hands in his pockets.

“How long?”

“Since I met her,” Chris answered. “I was just a kid when Alex found me. A stupid one. I tried to pick her pocket and she caught me. Instead of turning me in or killing me, she took me in. At first we helped pull each other along then she sent me to Earth for school.”

“Sounds like something she’d do.” Hackett sighed. “Chris, you knew who I was didn’t you?”

He smirked, “Well I knew who you were but I didn’t know how close you were to the Captain.”

“Bullshit. Why did you let me aboard?”

All amusement left Christopher’s face. He scratched his nose and shuffled on his feet. “I was hoping you could make her happy.”

“And she wasn’t happy before I showed up?”

He shook his head, “She pretends, forcing a smile or a laugh for appearances. But nothing ever reaches her eyes. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Alex happy.”

Hackett sighed and sat on the edge of his bed, dropping his bag at his feet. The confession had knocked him breathless and got him thinking. When was the last time he notice her smile? When was the last time she threw her head back and laugh? It wasn’t during the war. They had put so much responsibility on Alex’s shoulders that hindsight had made him sick. Her confinement had been a nightmare and the events before rushed. Years passed through his head and brought tears to his eyes.

“Sir,” Chris replied. “Just make her happy again. I don’t care if you take her away or she stays on the ship. I just want her to be happy.”

“I’ll try.” Hackett promised.

Chris nodded, “Then start by going with her. She’s about to head on a three day hike to the shroud. She usually goes alone but I think that needs to change.”

“I think you’re right.” Hackett got back to his feet and held out his hand. “Thank you.”

Chris took his hand, “Just remember, if you hurt her I’m friends with a krogan.”

Hackett laughed. 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Sorry for the wait guys. My computer and life just wasn't cooperating.

Alex stood on the edge, looking out to the uncivilized land. In the distance she could just barely see the tip of the shroud. The sight brought tightness to her chest.  No repairs had been done to the tall spire. It leaned to the side and was known to groan during wind storms. One day it would fall and become a ruin but no effort was made to restore it.

A sandstorm was brewing to the west but it wouldn’t deter her. Alex was committed to her ritual and nothing would stop her. She was compelled to see this through. Every trip she made the trip, no matter the weather.

“That storm looks nasty.” Hackett spoke as he stepped beside her.

She turned to him and frowned. He was dressed for desert travel and carried a pack swung over his shoulder. He wore dark sunglasses but she knew he was watching her out of the corner of his eyes.

“What are you doing here?” She hissed at him.

“I’m going on a journey.”

“No you’re not. I do this alone.”

“I didn’t say I was going with you,” he grunted and walked away. “I just happen to be taking the same route.”

Alex growled and jogged after him. She blocked his path and placed a hand on his chest. “Listen, I make this trip alone. I don’t want company of any kind. Luka tried it once and I kicked his ass for it. Turn around, find a nice bar, and enjoy your time planet side.”

Hackett’s eyes narrowed, “Was that a threat?”

“Just a suggestion.”

“Heard, considered, and denied.” Hackett started and moved around her. “I’m going to the shroud Alex. Deal with it.”

Alex watched him leave for a few more steps before hurrying after him. “I don’t want you here.”

Hackett stopped, his body tightening in anger. He whirled around and marched back toward her. He grabbed her upper arms and just barely resisted the urge to shake her.

“You’re not alone. You never were,” he snarled at her. “Through it all we were there, just behind you. You had friends and family supporting you. I was there for you. Always have been and always will be. God damn it Alex quit trying to push me away. It won’t work.”

Alex shrugged out of his grasp and pushed him away. She stood there, eyes focused on her feet. Her mind was blank and her throat went tight.  At loss of what to do, Alex retreated. She spun around and hurried away.

\----------------------------

They’d been moving all day. Sweat soaked through his clothes and sand had gotten into his mouth. No amount of water would cleanse the taste from his mouth. He was getting irritable and Alex wasn’t talking to him. The sun was setting but that sandstorm was right on top of them. It would be a long night.

“Alex,” He called out to her.  She ignored him, leaning into the wind as she marched on.

Hackett cursed and hurried his pace. Grabbing her arm he turned her to face him. “We need to set up camp while there is still light out.”

Alex shook her head and pulled away. She didn’t say a word. Hackett grabbed her again, this time keeping a bruising grip. She tried to free herself but it was useless.  He wasn’t going to let it go.

“Fine,” she spat out and shrugged her bag off.

Hackett nodded and dropped his bag as well. Together they set up and secured the tent. Not a word was said as they worked. Gear was stored and they climbed into the tent. Alex sat on her side, munching on a nutrients bar while sipping water. Hackett watched her as he ate his own bar.

“Are you going to talk to me?”

Alex raised a brow, “Apparently you don’t want to listen.”

“You’re the one that don’t want to listen.” Hackett countered. “I’ll listen when you finally want to tell me the truth.”

She shrugged and left it alone. Hackett shook his head and put his dinner aside. “I’m going to sleep.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So chapters will be a little slow. I'm not allowed to write at work any more. No paper or writing utensils allowed on our desks. Makes times between calls boring as hell.
> 
> Anyways, enjoy.

The route still wasn’t clear. One could easily get lost in the winding corridors. It was dark, dusty, and dangerous. Most went around, following an easier and safer way but not her. Alex stopped at the entrance and stared down the dark hole. It brought everything back. The desperation, the uncertainty, and the anger all came rushing back as sharp as the first time her and her crew was here.

“We don’t have to go down.” Hackett tried to reassure her as he stood beside her.

Alex decided to ignore him. It had worked so far. Only a few words had been exchanged since their argument. He tried, asking random questions or just talking at her. She gave him the cold shoulder and matched on. Now they stood at the last leg of her trip to the shroud. The underground city they found that had changed everything.

Hackett sighed as she switched on a light and descended into the hole. He was determined not to apologize. He had meant every word and wouldn’t take any of it back. He gave up trying to get her to talk to him.  Hackett knew how stubborn she could be but she forgot how stubborn he could be as well.

They walked for several minutes, both of them silent. The dark pressed in on them as shadows danced on the edge of their lights. Alex stopped, her hand reaching out to touch the wall. Hackett pointed his light at it to find the wall covered in old paintings. It was basic full of hard lines and basic shapes but it showed promise, a promise long broken.

She didn’t look at it, refused to. Eyes glued ahead she continued on. A couple minutes passed before she stopped again. This time a group of statues stood in the corners of the room. Most were in ruin but one stood whole proud against the test of time and war.

“Alex…”

She shook her head and continued on. Several time she stopped, each time a work of art within arms distance. Each piece primitive and yet beautiful in a way he couldn’t explain. Then she stopped again, this time her face turning toward the wall. There was light enough for him to see the tears and Hackett felt his heart tug.

“I almost didn’t do it.” Alex spoke softly, her eyes glued on the thresher maw painted on the wall.

“Do what?” He asked, moving closer and taking her hand in his.

“Cure them.” She answered and pulled from him. Her hands gently touched the wall, tracing the marks. “I was focused on one thing. Doing whatever it took to defeat the Reapers. I didn’t care what methods I needed to use. I already annihilated an entire system, what else matter.”

Hackett tried to pull her into his arms but she stepped away again. “Alex, you don’t…”

“But I do. That’s what no one understands. I’m not a fucking hero, never was. I started this mission intending to betray them, to betray Wrex because the Salarians threatened to pull out. The Dalatrass called me and gave me an ultimatum. Cure the Krogan or have the Salarians’ help.

She gave me an out. The shroud was sabotaged. The cure would release but it wouldn’t work. Once the war was won, once the Krogan have proven themselves and the galaxy was ready then we could think about give them a cure. I was going to do it. I was going to break my promise for some fucking resources.”

Alex took a couple deep breaths as she gathered her thoughts. Hackett watched her, body tense with worry. She turned away from the wall and stood in the middle of the room. “I saved the Rachni not because it was the right thing to do. I did it because the queen promised aid. I sacrificed an entire Krogan unit to save one queen. I sent kids to the front lines because their biotics were needed to support our troops. So many decisions I wouldn’t have made if I had any other choice and here I was about to do it again.”

“It wasn’t your fault.” Hackett interrupted.

“Then whose fault was it? The Alliance for locking me up for six months? The Council for not listening to me when I begged for help? Or maybe it was the Prothean’s for leaving garbled messages that gave us a glimmer of hope?”

He shook his head, “It was war. We were fighting to exist against an enemy that outnumbered and out gunned us. They were taking us out billions at a time.”

“And here I was about to guarantee another species to extinction.”

“It’s not the same!”

“Why?” Alex demanded as she turned on him. “Because I had a sudden burst of consciousness when I found these paintings? Because I felt guilty for committing near genocide on a species that didn’t deserve it? How could I look at these walls and not feel sorry for the Krogans? They were wronged and I was about to do it again.”

“The Reapers were machines driven to eradicate every living thing.” Hackett explained and pulled her against him. This time he held on, arms locked around her. She tried to struggle but he didn’t let her go.  His lips caressed her hair as he rocked her slowly.

“Why do you come down here?” He whispered.

“To remind myself I’m not a machine. To remind myself that I had no choice it had to be me.” Alex answered him. “That’s what he told me before he died. It gave me strength to finish it.”

“What?”

“Had to be me, someone else might’ve gotten it wrong.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the comments, kudos, and everything else.  
> It really does feed my soul.
> 
> Follow me at http://brittsis.tumblr.com/ for snippets and drabbles.

Alex had accepted his presence after her confession. He remained silent and behind her, supportive as they traveled to the shroud. It was relatively easy after they left the dark tunnels. The path was laid out, hard packed from years of use. They hiked to the hammers pausing to touch each one. Several krogan crowded the area as they to paid respect. Monuments had been raised and names etched into stone. The krogan would not forget the sacrifice made here.

Finally they approached their destination. The tower rose high above them still canted to the side. The doors had been sealed and were now guarded by two forms. Statues carved with artistic skill to display the heroes of this story. Mordin Solus had a data pad in hand and a smile on his face. He looked proud and happy of the work he had done there. The other statue was of Alex, chin up and a grim look in her eyes. She held an assault rifle in one hand and a grenade in another. Both had a plaque with their names and deeds written in every language.

Alex refused to look at her own statue. Instead she acknowledged Mordin and bowed her head in respect. She reached into her sack and pulled out a few items, laying them at his feet. Hackett frowned and peered over her shoulder at the three items. "Sea shells, where did you get those?"

"Earth. I get a few every year." She answered.

"But why seashells?"

"Because it's what he would’ve wanted. Let's go. I want a shower."

\---------------

The further from the shroud they got the better Alex’s mood became. She no longer grumbled under her breath or ignored him. Her step picked up until she was practically running back. They made good time and got back to the ship just as the sun was setting. No one else was aboard though. They had scattered around the city, looking for entertainment.

“Alex,” Hackett spoke her name softly as airlock slid close behind them.

She looked back at him, smile fading at the serious look in his eyes. “I have to do it.”

“But alone?”

Alex shook her head, taking his hand in hers. She kissed his knuckles softly. “Not anymore.”

“I do love you.”

“I know.” The other airlock opened and she backed out, pulling him along with her. “Come take a shower with me.”

“Are you sure?” Hackett asked, just worried about her.

Alex answered by pulling him to her roughly. She kissed him, her teeth scrapping his lip. Grinning she stepped away and dropped her pack. “I’m yours.”

“Alex,” He groaned and reached for her.

She danced away. He tried again and she fled down the corridor. Hackett cursed and went after her. She wanted to play and he was determined to make her pay for it. Alex taunted him, throwing clothing behind her as she stripped. She led him to the mess hall, using the table as a shield between them. He’d go around and she’d run off. He’d reverse direction and she’d do the same.

She stood across from him, bare from the waist up. Her hand cupped her breast playing with her nipple as she licked her lips. “Don’t you want me?”

“Alex,” He growled in warning.

“Steven.”

“God damn it woman, get over here!”

Alex laughed and jumped back when he lunged for her. “Make me.”

“Alex Marie, come here this instant!” He ordered.

She stopped, swallowing the saliva that pooled in her mouth. The hesitation was all it took. Hackett grabbed her and pinned her to the table. His lips latched onto her nipple, causing Alex to bow against him. His fingers undid her pants and yanked them away.  She was placed onto the table as his mouth moved from one nipple to the other.

“Steven...” His name came out in a breath. Her fingers grabbed handfuls of hair and held him against her.  “Make me forget.”

He bit down and pressed against her. Alex whimpered and released his hair, going for his fly instead. He was hot and heavy in her hands as she used him to tease herself. The head pressed against her, sliding just past her entrance. Hackett groaned and pulled her hands away, pinning them behind her back.

“Watch,” He order and bent her head down between them.

Hackett thrust home. Alex tried to look away, tried to bury her face in his chest but he wouldn’t let her. He grabbed her neck and forced her to watch as he took her. His head bowed next to hers he whispered into her ears as he fucked her. He released her hands to fondle her breast, finger pinching the nipples hard. She gasped and held on; her fingers gripping his shirt as she fought for control.

“You’re not allowed to come.” He grinned, deciding it sufficient punishment.

“Steven…”

“No!” He bit her neck as he came, forcing her to watch as he came to completion.

“Please,” She begged this time.

Hackett grinned and pulled away from her. “Come shower and we’ll see what we can do.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for how long this took. Nothing like knowing where you want to go and not being able to get there.  
> Enjoy.

There was one place Alex enjoyed on Tuchanka more than the others. It was centered in the small town, hidden from the tourists. The chances of finding a clean glass were slim and the patrons were rude and crude. The music was a tad too loud and the food was greasy. Fights broke out every night and frequently throughout the night. It wasn’t pretty by any means but Alex loved it.

The owner was a friend. He’d seen her through some rough times and wasn’t afraid to tell her straight. He’d passed her a few leads over the years. Loyalty kept her coming back.

She’d dressed in old faded and ripped jeans, a wrinkled lumber jack shirt with a vest over top. Black lace slip-ons graced her feet and she shoved a lumpy beanie on her head. Demetrio was manning the bar and grinned when she sat down.

“Is it that time of year again?” The old krogan grumbled and cleaned a glass with an old rag.

“Apparently,” Alex grinned. “The usual for me, Demetrio.”

“And him?”

Alex turned to find Hackett standing at the door. He’d followed her but was now looking around the place suspiciously. Several krogan was playing a dice game in the corner, weapons laid out on the table. The rest of the patrons were scattered about, two of which were in the middle of a heated argument. You could just barely hear them over the music that was blaring over the speakers.

“Have any whiskey?

Demetrio arched a brow. “Thought you didn’t drink anymore.”

“I don’t,” She reassured him. “But he might need some.”

Hackett crossed the room and stood beside her. He was tense, his hand hovering near his weapon that was attached to his belt. He’d worn jeans, button up shirt, and boots and insisted on carrying a weapon. Alex took his hand in hers and gave it a squeeze.

He leaned in, his lips grazing her ear and sending a shiver through her spine. “Why are we here?”

“Because I need to unwind.”

Demetrio placed two glasses in front of them. Hackett snatched his glass and swallowed the liquid in one gulp. He came up coughing. “Oh god, what is that?”

Alex chuckled, “Batarian whiskey, just a tad better than ryncol.”

“It’s horrible.” Hackett frowned at his glass as he set it on the bar.

“It’s just stronger than your use to. I use to knock several of those back each time I came here.”

“Why?”

Alex shrugged, “Doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Alex.”

“Steven.”

Hackett sighed. He recognized that tone. She had used it often when she was being stubborn about something. “What are you drinking and why is it orange?”

“It’s a juice from a fruit that grows here.” Alex answered and held out her glass. “It’s called tichini.”

Hackett took a small sip. His face screwed up and Alex laughed as she rescued her glass from him. “Oh god that’s sour.”

“I like it.”

“If you say so.”

“Come on, I’ll teach you to play.” Alex pulled him from the bar over to the dice game.

\-----------------

Hackett glared at the dice that he had hidden under his hand. The game was simple but deceptive. He just needed to fool everyone into pulling out before him.  Alex smirked at him and leaned back in her chair. She had already made her beat and refused to look at her hand again.  Her confidence was beginning to unnerve him but he had five of a kind surely her hand couldn’t be better. He glanced at her again and wasn’t as sure of himself.

“Come on human, make your bet.” The krogan beside him grumbled and shifted in his sit.

Hackett narrowed his eyes and placed his bet. The krogan on his other hand restudied his hand before placing his beat. There was another round of glares before the dice was revealed one by one. Hackett laughed and showed his victory.

Alex frowned and leaned forward, her hand stopping him from racking his chips. “Not so fast.”

“No way!”

“Read them and weep.” She unveiled her dice to show her better roll. She’d won again.

“You’re cheating.”

Alex flashed a smile at him, “Prove it.”

“Alex,” A voiced called out as the door opened.

She looked up to find Luka entering the bar. He hurried over to her, “We need you.”

All humor left her face as it dropped. “What’s wrong? Is it Chris?”

Luka shook his head, “No. The krogan need you.”

Hackett frowned, “What’s going on?”

“The Council of Brothers are in an up roar.”

“They’re usually are,” Alex replied. She grabbed Luka by the arm and pulled him from the bar and away from wondering ears, Hackett following them. “What’s the difference this time?”

“The entire council is backing the arguments this time. They’re talking war against the other races and the Sisters can’t talk them down. They need your help.”

“How? I’m just a human Luka, they won’t listen to me.”

“Yes they will.”

“Why should they?” Hackett asked.

“Because you’re you,” Luka answered, eyes fixed on Alex.

Realization of what he was asking dawned on her and she paled. Alex shook her head and took a step back in retreat. “I can’t.”

“You must or everything you worked for will be for nothing.” Luka pleaded. “The krogan will go to war and this time the salarians won’t just neuter us.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alex's outfit: http://brittsis.tumblr.com/post/87373494859/untitled-3-by-bb-bigsis-featuring-black-shoes


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you not on my tumblr I apologize for the absence. My computer had shit the bed and there was no reviving it.  
> I have a new computer now so it's happy days.
> 
> Thank you so much for the comments, kudos, and everything else.  
> It really does feed my soul.

The krogan government is fairly simple to understand. It consisted of two councils and the Mother of Tuchanka. One, the Council of Brothers, consisted of each clan leader, their advisers, and their honor guard. The other, the Council of Sisters, is made of the female shamans and their acolytes. Urdnot Bakara was the Mother of Tuchanka. She had final say on all laws and rulings but with enough votes against her the councils could over ride her.

The Council of Brothers was the one in an uproar. It has been ten years since the Reaper war, ten years since promises were made but not kept. The Krogans were still restricted to Tuchanka and didn't have representation with the Council. They had the means to take other planets but to do so would be considered an act of war. It would bring the wrath of the entire galaxy down on them and this time they wouldn't just neuter them. Alex had no choice but to intervene.

Alex stopped long enough to grab her guns and holster before jumping into the crawler and heading for the Council Seat. They arrived to a room full angry krogan shouting arguments back and forth. A member of each council argued quarreled in the middle, nose to nose. It was evident that they were close to blows. Eve was yelling as well, trying to calm everyone down.

Hackett stood beside Alex and crossed his arms, leaning in so she could hear him. “And you're suppose to talk them down?”

“I've done it before.” Alex grumbled.

“But will they listen this time?”

“It wouldn't be so hard if the Council just kept their promises for once.”

She un-holstered her weapon and stepped further into the room. A couple of the honor guard noticed her then and moved to block her. Alex just raised her weapon into the air and fired a few shots into the ceiling. The arguing stopped and the entire room turned to her.

“Everyone take a seat and be quiet.” Alex ordered.

“Who the hell do you think you are?” One of the guard bellowed and stepped forward.

Alex narrowed her eyes briefly before punching him in the chin. He fell back and the rest of the guard raised their weapons. She re-holstered her pistol and raised her chin. “The last krogan that threatened to shoot me ended up paste on the wall. You really don't want to do that.”

Weapons were cocked and Alex's hands hovered at her side. Before something could happen though Luka rushed in and slapped some of the barrels down. “You idiots, you have no idea who you're dealing with.”

“Stand down.” Eve has climbed down from her seat and pushed through the guards.

“But Mother...”

Eve turned on them, her glare causing several of them to cringe. Weapons were put away and she nodded. “Now who are you and why are you here?”

“I asked her to come.” Luka answered.

“I didn't ask you Gatatog Luka.”

“Yes Mother.”

“Now human, who are you and why are you here?”

Alex mouth went dry and she lost her breathe. Her resolved to help the krogans had gotten her this far. But now it was failing. Once she spoke there would be no turning back. She looked over her shoulder at Hackett. He stayed at the entrance, his arms still crossed. He gave a brief nod and Alex took a steadying breathe.

“You know who I am Bakara.” Alex spoke softly so only the two of them could hear.

Eve's eyes widened, “I told that name to only one human. How can it be?”

“Mother?” One of the sisters stepped forward, worry in her eyes.

“I'm fine,” Eve waved the woman away. She turned back to the assembly. “Everyone be still and be silent. You're in the presence of our greatest hero. Show her some respect!”

“Why should we show some pink pyjak respect?” One of the brothers yelled out.

“Because my actions have demanded it.” Alex called out as she stepped up.

An old feeling came back. It washed over her, filling her with the confidence and command she knew to well. Years washed away as she lifted her chin and rolled her shoulders back. It scared her at how quickly that mask fell back into place as she pitched her voice and took charge.“My name is Commander Alex Shepard and you are making a huge mistake.”

\---------------------

She sat in her quarters staring at her hands. They wouldn't stop shaking. Her secret was out and there was no going out. It wouldn't take long until everyone on Tuchanka knew the truth. Visitors would leave and the story would spread. Alex clenched her fists tight and pressed them against her thighs. She gulped for breath as the panic set in. This was the last thing she wanted and she had no control.

The door opened to let Hackett in. He went to her, kneeling in front of her. Hackett cupped her cheek and turned her to face him. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes.... no.... I...” Alex closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against his.

“Alex...” Hackett didn't know what to tell her. What could he say that would make it better? He had watched how the work had slowly drained her. As she spoke and argued a weight returned to her shoulders. He didn't know how he could have been so blind before.

“Let's leave. We'll call everyone back and head out.” Hackett offered.

Alex sighed, “Why the sudden change of heart?”

“I watched you Alex. I watched as it slowly ate away at you until you couldn't even look me in the eye. Is that why you left? Were you tired and defeated after the war?”

“That was part of it.”

Hackett leaned in and caressed her lips softly. “I'm sorry?”

She let out a soft laugh, “Why are you sorry?”

“Because part of it was my fault.” He answered her. “How many times did I call to ask you to do this mission or that mission? I think we all forgot that the great Commander Shepard was just one woman.”

 


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please enjoy this little bit of fun.  
> I promise some forward action soon. Just wanted to give you a guys a treat.

A chill ran down her back causing her skin to goose pimple and shiver. She couldn't see a thing but something was moving out there. It shuffled around her moving too quickly for her to pinpoint. Alex reached for her weapon only to find it gone. Her armor was in tatters, melted from the Reaper beam, and her shields were but just a dream. She was alone and unarmed in the darkness.

The shadows drew closer. They whispered accusations in her ear as they brushed against her. She tried to ignore them but they only grew louder and more bold. They pushed against her, reminding her that she wasn't strong enough.

“Choose,” they whispered to her. “Choose.”

Alex shook her head and tried to step away. They pushed in closer, nails digging into her skin. “I can't.”

“You must.” They growled. “Choose.”

“Don't make me.” Her arms lashed out but it was useless. They tore at her, tearing her to pieces. Bit by bit she lost herself until nothing remained. “Please stop!”

Alex woke and jumped quickly out of bed. The shadow of pain ghosted over her body as she fought for control. Her eyes were wide as she searched the shadows for her phantoms. It was a common nightmare, one she struggled with for years. It had been a while since it last haunted her but it was back and worse than ever.

\------------------------------

As soon as he woke Hackett knew he was alone. The bed was cool beside him and he couldn't hear her in the room. Worry sent in as he pulled his jeans on and left her quarters. He searched the ship, starting with the cockpit then engineering. When he didn't find her in the mess he began to panic. She wouldn't have just left, would she?

It took him an hour to find her. She was in the cargo hold, sitting on a small crate and staring at nothing. She was shivering, wearing only a tank and her underwear. He went to her, his hand touching her arm. Alex jumped, startled by the sudden contact.

“Damn it Steven.” Alex placed her hand on her chest, trying to calm herself. “I didn't know you were there.”

“Alex, what's wrong?” He asked and gathered her in his arms.

“Nothing, just had a bad dream and needed some air.”

“You're freezing. Come back to bed.”

Alex shook her head but didn't pull from him.

“Tell me about it then.”

“It's an old nightmare. Doesn't matter anymore.” She replied and kissed his neck.

“Alex.”

“Steven,” she grinned against skin before tracing his jaw with her tongue.

He grabbed a handful of hair and yanked her head back. She grinned at him as he searched her face. Her tongue slowly licked her lips while her hands went down and into his jeans. She gripped his ass and pulled him close, hips arching into him.

“Alex...” He growled in warning.

“Fuck me.” She whispered to him and gave his ass another squeeze.

He yanked her hair again, “I want to talk to you.”

“And I want you to fuck me.” She rocked against him and moaned softly.

“You will talk to me.” He muttered and oath and dragged her in for a rough kiss. “Later.”

Alex laughed in victory and bit his lip. Hackett reached between them and started to tease her lips with his fingers before thrusting two fingers inside. She cried out at the sudden entrance. He held her still as he began to viciously fuck her with his fingers. “Is this want you want?”

“Yes,” she panted.

Her hand went between them and back into his jeans. Just as she circled him he yanked her hair and stilled his fingers. “Hands off.”

“But...”

“No.” He ordered. “I'm going to fuck you but it will be on my terms. Now hands on my shoulders.”

She complied as his thumb caressed her clit, causing her to whimper. He smirked at her. His fingers moved again, this time curling inside her. Alex moaned, her fingers digging into his skin. She tried to lean into him but he held her back by her hair. Her skin tingled as she craved his touch but he denied her.

Hackett brushed her clit again and enjoyed her sounds of pleasure. When he pushed her past that edge he didn't stop. Adding another finger Hackett pushed her up and over twice more.

“Please... I can't...” Alex begged.

“I'm not done yet.”

Hackett released her hair and pushed her down on her back. He lifted her legs and hooked them over his shoulder while pulling his erection from his pants. He entered her in one quick thrust that had her screaming his name. The pace was fast as he fucked her.

“Fuck.” Alex whimpered.

The pounding continued as her fingers failed to find a hold on the metal crate. His nails scored lines in her sides and hips. He abused her and Alex was loving every second of it. She cried out his name and climaxed once again.

Hackett stilled his movements and watched as she went limp. Her eyes began to droop and he snarled. “Not yet.”

Alex eyes went wide as circled her clit with his fingers. She couldn't take anymore. She circled his wrist and still his movements. “No more.”

“You're mine Alex. I do what I want with you.”

“Steven...”

He shook his head and moved his hips again. “Mine.”

Her head went back as she whimpered with each movement. Alex squeezed her eyes shut and fought the pressure building inside her. Hackett groaned and thrust into her one last time before climaxing as well. Despite herself, Alex found herself also orgasming.

Finished, he climbed onto the crate and pulled her close. Alex curled into him, nuzzling his chest. He hummed softly. “We still need to talk.”


	24. Chapter 24

Alex walked into her quarters only to stop at the door. There was a small package on her desk wrapped in plain paper. She couldn't see a note but knew that Hackett had left it there for her. But why?

She picked it up and weighed it carefully in her hands. It was light and nothing shifted as she twisted it around. Curiosity got the better of her and she ripped the paper away. The box was small and hinged on one side. The soft velvet burned her fingers as she recognized it. A ring box, he got her a ring.

The small box remained unopened in her hand as she slowly sank to her chair. It had been waiting for her when she retired for the night. Sitting innocently on her desk without a note. Alex knew who it was from though. Only one man had a purpose to buy her a gift and this one looked suspiciously like a ring box.

Marriage was the last thing Alex wanted. It scared the living daylights out of her. Panic spread through her as she folded the box in her hands. Maybe if she hid it away…

"It’s not an engagement ring." Hackett spoke from the door, frowning at her reaction.

"Then what is it?"

"Open it and see."

Alex took a deep breath and opened the box. There was a ring inside, silver with a simple knot on top. “A ring.”

"A promise ring." Hackett explained and went to her. He lifted the piece of jewelry out of the box and threaded it onto her right ring finger. "Just a reminder that I am here."

"Steven…"

"Shhh, I’m not asking anything." He explained and brushed her knuckles with his lips. "When things get tough just look down and know that I am here."

\----------------------

Normally she'd refuse to go near the ship during her shore leave, taking the time to stretch her legs and get away from the responsibility. But now the thought of venturing more than a few meters from the door sent her into panic. Too many people knew who she was and Alex didn't want to risk being recognized. The days passed and finally it was time for departure. One by one her guests and crew returned to the ship. Alex ushered them on with a strained smile and a wave of welcome.

They'd be heading to Sur'kesh next to deliver a small package. Normally they avoided the planet. Meris couldn't enter salarian space without risking capture. It was a delicate matter that she would rather avoid. However the package had come with a large fee that she couldn't pass up.

“Captain,” Meris called as she exited the ship.

“Meris,” Alex answered.

“Kiral just told me we're heading for Sur'kesh.”

Alex nodded, “It is true. I already booked you passage to Irune.”

The salarian frowned. “You don't want me aboard the ship?”

“Of course I do.” Alex answered quickly. “There's no point in risking it through. We'll spend two days in Sur'kesh before heading to Irune to pick you up and drop off our volus and his cargo.”

“Captain..”

Alex stopped her with a wave of her hand. “There's no need to risk it. Plans have been made. You better hurry before you miss your transport.”

Meris nodded, “Thank you.”

\--------------------------

“Is everyone aboard?” Alex asked as she performed the final checklist for take off.

Christopher shook his head. “The Admiral is missing.”

“Missing?”

“He left earlier today, said he had an errand.” Christopher explained as he tightened a cargo strap.

Alex frowned and glanced at the cargo doors. “What could he possibly be doing?”

“Could it have something to do with the krogan council?”

“How?”

“Luka told me.” He moved to the next set of cargo, working as he talked. “What I want to know is why you didn't tell me?”

“Chris.”

He sighed and shook his head, refusing to look at her. “Just promise me you won't start again.”

“I won't touch a single drop.” Alex answered.

He nodded, “Please remember it because I don't know if I could do it again. You're family Alex, I can't watch you destroy yourself again.”

\--------------------------

Hackett returned to the ship with two figures in two. Alex recognized Eve right away, a cold sweat breaking on her skin. She wasn't prepared for this. It was the reason she stayed hidden away.

“Alex,” Hackett called out before she could escape. He hurried to her, his hand a gentle restraint on her arm.

Alex swallowed the knot that formed in her throat. Her hand pressed firmly into her thigh to keep it from shaking. Eve came closer and waved a smaller krogan closer.

“Commander,” Eve nodded in respect. “I am happy I was able to catch you before you left.”

“It's Captain now.” Alex blurted out quickly. “My crew... they don't know.”

A brow raised but Eve didn't question it. “Captain, I wanted to thank you for you...”

“Please don't.” Her words sound panicked now.

“Alex.” Hackett dropped his hand down to hers and squeezed it.

She took a deep breath. “It's not needed. Keeping the peace is thanks enough.”

“Of course.” Eve replied. “There's someone I wanted you to meet. Captain, meet my oldest, Urdnot Solus.”

“Pleasure to meet you Captain.” The young krogan female bowed her head in respect.

Alex offered the adolescent a smile. “Same to you.”

“Is it true that you fought a thresher maw on foot?”

She nodded, “An experience I would not want to repeat.”

“How about the time you fought an entire clan to stop the salarian scientist?”

“True.”

“Or when you dodged a reaper to summon Kalros?”

Her throat tightened as the memory washed over her. It pressed in on her as she fought against it. She could still smell the burn of ozone as the beast fired on them. The desperation as she raced under it's legs. She shouted orders at Garrus and Javik and fired on the brute that blocked her route. It roared, spittle coating her face mask. A large claw rose above her and Garrus called her name.

“Alex.” Hackett squeezed her hand hard, bringing her back.

“Enough questions child.” Eve chided the kid.

Alex bit her lip hard and forced her vision to clear. With effort she smiled at Solus and knelt down in front of her. “I knew your name sake. He was as curious as you are and didn't rest until he had all the answers.”

Solus grinned, “He asked too many questions?”

Alex nodded, “And wouldn't stop until I forced him to take a breath.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the ring: http://brittsis.tumblr.com/post/92694430884/lolita-harlette-haze-a-knot-ring-the-ring


End file.
